Final Heaven

2012-02-16T10:18:00.000-08:00

笑，就是对人的祝福
人家看见你笑，他们也会被影响得开心
他们也会对别人笑
那么别人也会开心
就这样，帮助世界。

与其帮着这些不珍惜你的人
不如帮那些没手没脚需要补习老师的

:)

2012-02-15T07:03:00.000-08:00

I have a nice chat with my friends today.

Really nice chat I wish it could last longer and wish we are all living in the same house.

they are my good buddies Jeremiah and Nasa!!

the interesting part is this conversation is between Christian, Muslim and me a Buddhist but we talk without boundaries, share everything, look at everything in every aspects and everyone is so cool and more n more topic coming out, enjoyable,
it's been a while I experience this kinda of nice talk :)

I'm so happy ASWARA still have a few open minded and positive, healthy mind people

everyday we breath, everyday we learn

Thank God so much for giving this grace :))

I'm happy today

life is great

2012-02-14T07:30:00.000-08:00

about my situation - i'm not doing any good with this health problem . 1 more problem occur - blood circulation mess up. it occured since 1 month ago
so, I feel easily cold nowdays.

all this while i'm bearing it very tough by myself. with the trauma I had...all by myself.
and I can feel God is crying with me and giving me strength when I need.

God knows who is irresponsible. destroy a life, yet enjoying there and never want to care.
But I don't hate him. everyday I pray to God to love him and save him. make him be at the path near to God instead of Jin control his body and devil on his mind.
Please have love in your heart instead of want to see people suffer.
when you wanna see people suffer, that's when - for sure - devil's attitude, devil is controlling you.

no matter what happened. today it lighten up me abit
i received this gift in valentine day (as shown in picture). it's a perfume for me... :)))

actually, I am being loved by alot of ppl who care, and from positive environment, success ppl.
Thank you God. I'm being heard :))
God, pls save all those bad ppl , change them to be good. save me too.
continue to guide all of us, your creations, to the truth path..
so that this world is a comfort place for us to live in.

2012-02-11T19:22:00.000-08:00

I'm just a God's creation. God can do anything to us anytime.
God loves us.
When I cry, God cries with me.
I feel that God is near nowadays..
I never want God creations to go down, I can't change them to be good either, all this is in the power of God
God can change anything
I can only ask God to change all his creations to be good...
continue to show me the path, always too...
and love all of us.
I love God 天。。。

2012-02-10T20:06:00.001-08:00

愛情不是轰轰烈烈の誓言

而是平平淡淡の陪伴

2011-12-10T01:10:00.001-08:00

in this world, big animal eats small animal, small animals eat grass. people are using each other.But Lord Buddha sacrificed himself for the eagle to eat his flesh. when you grow a heart to think about others and lost something for yourself, it's a great action, for the world nowdays which is hard to see this kind of heart anymore...

When you sacrificed for others, they gained alot. but do they appreciate and care about how much you had lost for them? does he care if I'm becoming disabled or retard? if not really, I'm not being loved. If they call you crazy or said you're thinking too much, it obviously proof that they aren't thinking about you too. not responsible? let it be...it's their problem.

I loved truthfully. I had never break any promise before for my life until now. all the people who know me knows how a person I am.

do u remember how I cried when you wanna start all the things? do u remember how I feel guilty? and, do you remember how I responsible and loyal and holding the trust after we've started. i'm not blaming u, just to let u know i am a person who loved truthfully and honestly.

I am forever May Ling.

It's fun to be with me. people need fun. they come for fun. trust by the eyes, not by the ears.....never by the ears again.

my eyes are all teary when I'm writing. do people know how it's like? do people know how it's like when I'm calling help, help....protect me...every night, everyday, but I never been cared.

I just wanna continue to live after what will my health become after this, and I know all that happened i have to be so very strong to face this. of course, on my own feet. yes.

my 2nd bro called... he is shocked and sad when he 1st heard this and..... he just wanna come back and gives me a hug.....he's the only brother who hugged me always when I'm small.

and yeah, there's only one May Ling.

Go May Ling Go.

Namo Amitabha.

Sunday ...

2011-11-12T20:17:00.001-08:00

1. when you're in the condition of no job, no money, do you noticed all the girls are just toying and using you for pleasure and for their own selfishness? but NOT until you met me, who truly sacrificed for you...but u hurt me and let go of me at the end...

2. next time when you already have money and job, of course you can find girls or they will come to you, but will you find a girl who love you sincerely anymore? (never care about your job and properties) u won't....

I bleed so much, I got bius, could you find any other girl who are willing to bleed for you anymore (when you're in your condition of no money, no job, but she still truly loved you) and still think for you? do you tell ppl that you made me bleed? no, right? because you are afraid that people will blame you. so now you just leave me, made me suffer the pain myself... of course, it's not you who bleed, you won't understand how the suffers I need to go through alone...of course you said it's okay to be alone...well you just don't love me I guess...it's okay anyway, I will still stand up. just that, you just lost someone who loved you from the bottom of her heart.

you won't find girl who love you like I do anymore....

my 1st appeareance in tv ad

2011-08-20T05:38:00.000-07:00

in case u all duno, I'm inside this ad. it went very fast, i just turned out very quick.

i appeared in 0.02, 0.17 and 0.23 if u can recognise which is me lol. if i never tell my frens i'm inside they also never notice.

20.8.2011

2011-08-20T03:37:00.001-07:00

I was in my home in malacca.

Suddenly the ppl spread the mosquito poison gas at my house area

so i closed the doors and windows. how also gas still go into the house

i'm incapable to close all 3 floors windows of my house before the gas came in

suddenly my 3rd elder bro came back n yelled at me like an animal very very loud

"DUNO CLOSE ALL WINDOWS AR!! SIBEH JIALAT U!!"

I felt hurt suddenly, I duno where i did wrong to desearve for a yell like this straight to my face?

i back malacca only,being treated like this?

this is not the 1st time

until when i'm gonna be treated like this??

修行中

2011-08-18T08:48:00.000-07:00

长大中。。。。

经着种种挫折与堕落中。。。

见晓朋友的真正性格中。。。

见晓谁是真正还在关心的朋友。。。

我继续，不忘记朋友

must learn to ignore in life.

2011-07-27T11:12:00.000-07:00

frens are made, frens are lost

but life goes on

those that cant fit in..let it go

fren, can or not? dun angry over this anymore..

like being a musician

some fans loves u..some ppl hate you..

some comments bad things..wat u do?

say fuck you! and continue rockin!

coz this ppl do not matters n cant hurt u if u ignote them

- Krist Chong

2011-03-26T06:14:00.000-07:00

Saw Namewee's video. I am very agree with what he said:

while people keep having fun in sin and destroy others' life, due to their greediness and selfishness
when they finally become rich, get the fun, get what they want, and forgot themselves,
what do they have when a natural disaster occur?
Your car, branded things, your money, your house
all will turn into soil and dirt when natural disasters occur
A body full of sin, full of filt and hina, When disasters happened, they will just use religion and God's name to cover up themselves again to run out from their sin!
-Namewee

2011-03-06T21:46:00.000-08:00

just some old pic.

When You Feel Like Doing It, Don't Delay

2011-03-04T08:57:00.001-08:00

Today Fumi brought me to cut hair.

When he and the hairstylist Jimmy talked bout the new bubble hair-dye, Fumi straight away go down to the pharmacy to buy the hair-dye.

hahaha. when he said he wanna do it he straight do.

"of course! do things must fast!"

while he was down there buying dye, I heard Jimmy talked bout great story.

We won't know when will our life end.

the story began like this...

he has 1 fren name Jimmie also. (just differentiate it with Jimmie) whom had never want any1 to cut his hair except for his mom due to his baldness.

one day he asked Jimmy to cut his hair...which is impossible he will ask him to cut it all this while

so Jimmy cut his hair in his house toilet. washed his hair..

then Jimmie invited his frens together include Jimmy, hang out around Ipoh and Penang for 3 days. they were so happy

after 3 days Jimmy went back to work.

then he received a phone call from his fren saying Jimmie has died.

Jimmy was like hey we just went to Ipoh yesterday to hang out, you don't lie la

so he was thinking if this fren wanna play with him, he play with him till end too.

he took emergency leave to Jimmie's house.

when he reach there he saw 2 more his frens just stay silent.

he said,"wow you guys not bad huh playing this game"

then Jimmy saw all Jimmie's relatives were in his house...

he was so shocked. coffin also havent standby for him yet. he died from sleep

1 of his fren was sleeping with Jimmie after finish hang out in Ipoh. slept on the same bed.

next morning Jimmie's sister knocked the door to borrow hair dryer.

Jimmie didn't wake up. instead his fren took the hairdryer for his sis, then continue sleep.

next, Jimmie's mom knocked the door to ask they both to wake up.

when the fren try to wake Jimmie up...he realized Jimmie's body is hard and cold already.

------------

"so whatever you wanna do, do it fast! or you will regret if you delay it." Jimmy said to me.

of course, the right things to do. not taking drugs, sex or stuff like that.

so if you wanna action..

do it Immediately.!

乱

2011-02-02T06:47:00.000-08:00

拜天公。
这还是第一次拜得我流泪。
近来好多事发生，好多伤感，恐惧感，
我只要求天公保佑我和家人们平安
保佑我活得快乐
我想活得平静。。

I can't sleep.

2010-12-29T08:37:00.000-08:00

I tried to make myself sleep.

but I cried more and screamed.

I couldn't help but get my laptop underbed, opened it and type now.

i cried..all night.

this is the time that I need you most

you should know

But you won't know

you didn't give a seconds to know.

May Ling be strong

you can only heal yourself

yourself..cuz ppl dunno the pain ur having now

Time doesn't seem to heal me because I'm still in pain after 2 months

Or maybe, this pain takes too long to be cured

it may takes lifetime

every1 is so selfish, they would enjoy themselves without thinking of the one that will be hurt

I'm always being treated by people like this

I'm alone.

Fuck....I'm really alone.

I should forget you

I don't have a person I love

I don't have one. I never had one.

Believe this. I must believe this...

I never had one that I love

I just have friends around, but I had never been into any love before

believe this.

typing out my heart and expressions.

2010-12-29T06:48:00.000-08:00

I cried all night to sleep...

when your loved one betrayed you, that is so hurt

it hurts more if I'm already 1 year plus with him getting through obstacles

1 month. betrayed you by being together with another girl for 1 month

treat the girl good, and treat you like not you desearve.

it's enough

who would put bandage on my pain?

myself, right?

I wish I can really disappear from everything.

If I were to give you 1 more chance

and if you agree to not betray me again

I just feel that

your promise won't last long.

most of the guys' promise only last from 3 to 6 months.

right?

If I were to be back with you

I will be more sensitive

I will be so insecure and wanna know where do you go and who are you with

And you'll start to feel annoying.

how can we be together again?

we should end it right?

I think we should.

holidays

2010-12-28T07:19:00.001-08:00

it's been a while.

I'm now having my holidays, 2 weeks in Malacca.

what I'm gonna do is strive hard to free my mind from all the shits that happened

other things are practice new songs for ice, work, exercise and learn to cook some cuisines.

because of the shits that happened, my mind is now so confused, and I really feel like disappearing.

can't talk to any1 in my house about what had happened..

so alone.

so hungry for....understanding and caring

..,

is anyone out there?

nah...i will just sleep.

be strong.

2010-10-21T18:13:00.000-07:00

I must be strong.

No matter how people try to make me believe I'm not alone,

I cannot believe that.

I must remember I'm always alone.

I must remember how I used to be alone.

I must be strong..

吉隆坡。。寂寞。

2010-09-22T08:38:00.000-07:00

自从来到吉隆坡读书，开始这里的生活后，

才知道以前在MMU读书有那么多的朋友。

我想应该是那里有很多华人朋友吧！所以才不孤单。

在这里，一个人做事，一个人安排事情, 一个人分担心事。

分组做功课，全都得靠我。

就算得到好成绩又怎样？

人们找组员，也不会找我。

妈的，有时还真想哭。。

好想家。。好想MMU朋友。。好想马六甲朋友。。

想我已经老的爸妈。。想我的亲戚。。

想我妈妈抚养的小鸡。

好孤单。。。。

你看照片里的我，像很开心吗？

我也是很努力地坚强下去。

爸爸妈妈，不要替我担心。。

Since I came to Kuala Lumpur to study and began my life here
I just get to know that I have so many friends when I was studying in MMU..
I think it should be because there are a big chinese community there! So i was not alone.
Here, doing things alone,arranges things alone, practice alone, bearing tensions alone.
Groupmates doing their homework, all rely on me.
Even if I got a good grade and got dean list, so what?
People who are looking for team members will not find me.
mom, sometimes really want to cry. .
I miss my home. . my MMU friends. . my Malacca friends. .
Think of my old parents, my relatives. .
missing how my mother raising the little chicken.
so lonely..

Do I look happy in the picture? . .
I worked very hard to be strong.
Mom and Dad...Don't worry about me. I will not bring you down.

黄明志　－华侨的骄傲

2010-08-30T10:03:00.000-07:00

好旧不在这里说故事了。今天是国庆日，可是我一点也不觉得有舍意义。

好多事情发生，真想不到现在这个世纪了居然还这么排华。

今天突然觉得一股悲伤的感觉。得知明志的消息，读了他的部落各，看他的FB Status，看新闻警察说明志行动没用脑而要对他进行法律判决，看ＦＢ明志说３辆警车在要国庆日１５分钟前到他家捉他。。。

那么那个校长怎么没听说她会被捉？没听说她被进行法律判决？没听说她行动不用脑？

明志反对种族歧视就马上被抓？

道理何在呀？

明志那么爱国。看了他的“我要回家”ｔｒａｉｌｅｒ，我更感动了。假如我有个这样的朋友，我也愿意暂停商业陪他从香港回到马来西亚。

真不知道该说什么了。像他这样的马来西亚华侨，马来西亚人一定会为他骄傲的。

天。有。眼。

我今天这一刻更加崇拜他了。他是个会创造历史的英雄。

黄明志，坚强！

大家一定要支持他，为他祈祷平安！

华侨英雄

明志！明志！明志！

back in Melaka

2010-07-02T06:33:00.001-07:00

For 2 months, until 26th July, I will be in Malacca as I'm in holidays now.

My activities in this holidays are...exercise, practice guitar, working in the weekend.

I'm just staying with my mother in the house.

When I'm finding for people to talk to...no one is in the house.

Mom is working till night.

Mom

2010-04-21T08:08:00.006-07:00

I'm sad.

I'm sad to know your right leg is becoming weaker now.

I'm sad you started to say things like you're aging a lot now.

I'm sad you started asking me to company you to the morning market and to eat together when I come back to the hometown now.

I talked loudly to you.

I always say you do not understand me.

I complained to my schoolmates about how you talked about my bad things to the neighbours, I complained to them about how you scolded me, I complained about how you don't agree on me playing music.

But now I know..

You do care about me. You teach me about the banking and fixed deposit thing. You want me to live easily in my future..

You phone me every Friday to ask me what time will I be back at Malacca, so then you can fetch me back. alone by bike at night.

I'm sorry. I'm really sorry for what I've done to you.

I feel really bad for studying in KL and left you alone at Melaka every weekdays.

Please give me time to pay the good deeds to you.

God, please make my mother live long.

for me to at least make my mother happy and not dissapointing to have a child like me.

My mom is old.

She's the most beautiful woman I've ever met.

The most independent woman I've ever seen.
she has the way she think, she is wise, she can handle alot of things, she is kind, she is one of the best mom

The most tough mother I've ever seen, after being left by my father.

And work alone to bring her children up.

Even if my 3 brothers pay less for my mom,

and some never even pay sometimes,

mom, I wanna pay you every month, until the time when I work full time, I wanna pay most of my salary for you.

I know with my part time job now, I couldn't pay like the full time salary yet.

God, please let my mom live long.

For me to be able to take care of my mom when I'm bigger.

She is a kind, good mom.

I do not want to lose her.

Mom..

If you are gone, I really don't know who else do I have anymore....
I don't know who else that will care for me and do things like you did for me anymore.

Xiao Bai

2010-04-03T20:59:00.000-07:00

Looking back at the old photos made me shed tears.

I call this dog Xiao Bai (Little white) due to her white fur on her full body..everytime I saw her she is very clean.

I remember I met this dog before kindergarten when playing with other kids at my house area.

I was standing on the rock bench.

She came in front us with tongue coming out from her mouth, swinging her tail and looked at us, wanted to join us in playing.

so white and cute.

But I threw stone to her with the kids and the dog barked at us.

I ran home.

when I gets older and joined kindergarten,

the dog is still walking around at my house area.

this time I tried to stroke her to be friend with her.

she walked around my feet,

swinging her tail, like the 1st time she met me.

I feel so happy.

then I would play with this dog together with the kids in my neighbourhood..we stroke the dog together...we were so enjoying playing with the dog.

and I always ended up got scolded by my mom and she asked me to wash my hands.

time flies, I grew older, and I'm in standard 1 already. daytime after school I will be at my aunt's house, evening only my mom will fetch me back home after her work.

I will only get to see Xiao Bai when I reach home.

My mom parked her motor in front the house and the dog is already there waiting for me.

everytime she sees me, she will stand and her tail began to swing.

I will call her name up and put my stuff in the house.

She will be looking at me at the door, but she won't come into my house.

because she knows I don't advocate her and she knows my mom doesn't like it.

my mom doesn't like animal...especially when it gets into the house. that time there're lotsa cats at my house area. they always run into houses and stole the raw meat. plus cats always sneaked into the house to give birth without our knowing.they give birth to alot of kittens. then all the cats will keep sneaking houses and stealing meat. my mom was so angry and yelling everytime when chasing them out. that's why all the windows n doors in my house are shut as much as possible.

but my mom is okay with Xiao Bai.

this dog never simply get into people house without permission.

and she also help to take care of the house sometimes.

and when i see my mom isn't around, I will bring her the meat on my plate. She will be so excited, stood with only both legs and swing her tail.

there are few times I got scolded by my mom when I got caught.

"I cook for you, but you feed the dog your food!!! I'm not feeding dog, I'm feeding beings you know!"

but I love to see Xiao Bai happy eating the food so I sometimes hide from my mom from giving her the meat on my dish.

sometimes when I woke up in the morning I saw Xiao Bai sleeping outside the glass door at my house. which is my front door.

so white.
I will not wake her up but if my mom saw it she will wake her and chase her away.

sometimes if it's raining outside Xiao Bai will came outside the glass door to prevent the rain too.

But as usual if my mom sees it then she will be mad.

I always go to the pathway behind my house to play with Xiao Bai.

As I grew older, Xiao Bai is still there for me,

years passed, she always remember me.

This dog companying me grow up.

not angry of me throwing stones to her while i was little,

and be patient although my mom always scolded her. always come to find me and play.

her body got thinner as she got older.

She gave birth to a son. it's also full white body. just the difference is its ears are dropping down, not standing like Xiao Bai's.

all the neighbours began calling for her name Xiao Bai when wanna give her food. she knows people are calling her name.

Xiao Bai, my Xiao Bai.

until one day when I was in high school,

there's one time I feel weird because it's been a week I never see Xiao Bai already.

Normally if she went out hunting food for her son she will be back in 2 days.

my mom said my bro saw mat rempit (malays who were racing with bikes on the road) banged the dog. Then my bro took care of the dog's corpse and put inside the dustbin.

NO!!!!! She never deserve this

When I wanna go to the dustbin to see her corpse, it's no more there.

that time, my heart is break. I cried alot, I closed myself in room and cry all nights.

I missed her so much..

I was sad for a long time.

I will not see her swinging her tail seeing me back from school anymore.

I will not see her standing in front the door waiting for me to feed anymore.

yea, i will not get scold by my mom from feeding her anymore.

But Xiao Bai, I really MISS YOU..

until now.

everytime when I think of her I will be sad.

seeing back her pic made me remember our time together.

I can't stop my tears while writing this blog post.

A democration country?

2010-02-21T08:44:00.000-08:00

America belongs to Red Indians.
and then the Whites came from UK and Europe, brought up USA, started the government.
and there came Blacks and other races migrated to their country.
But their people do not fight to claim the land.
their prime minister never say US belongs to whites although they are the 1 who brought up the country.
He said, "US belongs to everybody!"
and the cooler thing is, their prime minister - Obama, is a black.

but what is happening in Malaysia?
let's look at Malaysia now.

Malaysia belongs to Orang Asli.
then Malays came from Indonesia and they started the government.
Then Indian came for business. Chinese came for business as well as lending a hand in army for country's protection.
but nowadays, Malays claimed this land belongs to theirs.
"Negara ini negara Islam, you tak suka, you keluar dari Malaysia!"
"Cina ni semua pun pendatang, baliklah China!" (don't forget you are pendatang too)
OK. now you've know how Malaysia is like.

--------------

there is another truth here..
who is the one who have to pay alot of taxes?
people who own business and people who live in town.
And who are they? Most of them are chinese.
and where did the taxes gone to?
Build alot of mosques. Mara. Bumiputras' scholarship..
what will happen if there's no chinese who will pay all the money?
Do you think the country can be advanced like today?
Do you think all of you can get scholarship to help you in study...which is hard for chinese to get?
whose money build up your mosques?
and so on..
why do they behave like this? dont u think it's childish?

mmu student eh?

2010-02-13T05:38:00.000-08:00

I saw this link today regarding Tasyrif Tajudin's case. http://forum.lowyat.net/topic/1296203

I'm shocked ppl still know me as MMU student.

And tonight, CNY eve, I'm getting lotsa sms wish from MMU friends although I quit the school long time ago.

I kinda feel warmth that people in MMU love me.

But why don't I feel the friends' warmth in Aswara instead?

is it because I just only studied 1 year in aswara?

hmm....but when i studied 1 year in MMU, all my friends were calling me to go out everytime, all my friends will surely invite me for lunch or breakfast all the times.

is it because of rasicm issue?

Is it because im not liked it there? but what had i done?

Because of what I said to Tasyrif Tajudin like in the wall post in forum huh?

hah, people in Aswara keep asking me why did i do that to him as in facebook. Did I do anything wrong by replying him? tell me what did I say wrong in the sentence?

If that particular people can type out what they said it like that, it showed what kind of a person they are.

If Tasyrif typed the terrible things like that, it showed that's his personality.

I don't even know who he is and where he's from before this, and I got shocked Aswara had this kinda racist people in their school.

sorry to say bout this.

the best thing is, i could learn alot from wise lecturer who went overseas in the school. I gained knowledge.

what I wanna do now is to faster finish study in this school and get a diploma to further my studies in music.

common people attitude in this country

2010-02-02T10:49:00.000-08:00

getting sick everytime I go KL because always can't have enough sleep.
The housemates are keep awake talking at night and sleep in day time, laughing out loud.
Can't they be understandable about my condition?
Telling them to be quiet but after I close the door the keep on talking again. It's useless, they never listen.
I don't wanna have a routine of always getting fever and sorethroat everytime I am in KL, even for a light sickness.. but that's what always happen.
I don't wannt treat Malacca as a ward for me to get recover, then fall sick again when going up KL again.
sometimes I can't even be recovered although stayiin in Malacca in the weekends.
I need to work in weekends, y'know. I need energy. I need health....

I also got summoned recently in KLCC due to wrong parking of my bike.

Went to police station under the rain with Firdaus and the police said the office hour is until 4pm only, it's closed now, come again tmr. Damn, most of my class time starts from the morning until 4pm what do u want me to do? I rushed here under the rain and gotta know this shit? Oh, I thought only local banks closed early? and now police station following this schedule too?? Your not even bank.. Even Aswara office open till 5pm (although I think it's still sucks) and when we asked bout the summon's price, the police dude said it's gonna be about RM100. Fuck.. Car's wrong parking summon also not until that price.

and the next day I went again to the police station to beg for lower price, the clerk said I have to Pay RM40. cannot beg. because original summon is RM70 and they already discounted it. So I said I'm still a student I had no money, that clerk said it's ok I can just pay it anytime when I have money and I ain't gonna be blacklisted anyway......What the fuck is this?

KL

2010-01-01T01:34:00.000-08:00

Hi, I'm back in Melaka for my sem break. I had already finish one semester in Aswara studying music. it's a local academy of arts and it's definitely cheaper alot than MMU. the lecturers there are very potential. I definitely had made right decision to quit MMU and come here. the school is associated with local TV and most of Malaysia's drama, novels came out from there.

It's kinda cool to study here. where I don't have lotsa theory but practical. At least I'm not stress like the ol' days and I got to sleep nicely everyday. I also met lotsa rockers here - in one of my subject which is called Ensemble Rock.

except for my school life, recently I joined an old local band, John Mistress as their lead guitarist after I went KL for studies.

I moved myself to KL hopefully to get more exposures in music scene, to learn more about the industry, to meet more people. and all of these things I'm doing are aiming to be success in music.

I'm also going back to Malacca every weekend to work and go back again to KL to study. Therefore I can keep track of my friends in my hometown, my bandmates and also my family.

trust

2009-12-19T08:27:00.001-08:00

Really, I don't think I can trust anyone.
What I really need is how I managed my own life, to be success in music, and taking care of my old mother.

anyone around me.
if you are just another friend who wanna have fun only, fuck off.
If you are just another person who wanna hurt me again, fuck off.
if ur another person who wanna make use of me...fuck off.

I'm not like the people who play around in life like drama.
I'm not like the people who treat their life relaxingly.
I'm not like the people who have times to interrupt other's life just because of small things.

I am a person, who wanna use my times to climb up and work hard to be successful.

it's hard. it's really hard, for me to open my heart to put my trust in anyone.
I feel so unsafe.

what others are going to do is their own things.
What you decide to do, you do it.
It's none of my business.
I wanna take care of myself. I wanna improve my life, solve every little hardships by myself.
I think that's better off.
do you think my life is so easy?

I am alone, after all. I know.

hurts

2009-11-17T08:41:00.000-08:00

tonight i feel hurt. very hurt..

things i worried that might happen had happened to me.

theres this guy i met in my school who would do anything to make sure i dont get hurt.
to make sure i always has a smile on my face.

i went back melaka every week to work, and he can go late to his class just to company me to bus stand. he walked me there, it's quite a distance to the place. he even search for bike around his friend to fetch me sometimes. or when sometimes if we walked to the train station, he would foot the bill for me, although i don't want him to.

and after i got on the bus, he would walk back to school alone.
he did that every week.... until today. every week.

he would come out any single free time just to see how i am doing in school.

he seeked back the older married guy who had hurt me before in the 1st place when I started my life in KL. He was really angry and sad about what had happened to me.

he was with me when I was really down.

but the main point i wanna tell is, he's a muslim. he's a malay.

I'm not interested to convert. just like my 2nd bro did when he married a malay girl.
My mother and cousins were telling me, "May Ling. You go to study, means your studying. please do not have any relationship with malays."

my mom was saying, "I've already lose a son. I don't wanna lose another child again."

yea. I told him about this thing.
I said I love my religion like how he loves his. I don't wanna leave my religion.
He said he understands and respects my decision. he just want me to be comfortable with him. not being forced to. he wants me to be happy. He would do anything to just be with me..

Even if in future, there will be family problem, he said he would make my family trust him on how he treats me. he will talk to my mother. he said he will make sure I won't convert. He said he would face the big challenge.. just to be with me. and he asked me to face with him together, because he knows he will be having family problem to.

he just want to be by my side.

but when he asked, "would you face the challenge with me together? do u feel comfortable to be with me, forever?"

yes of course I feel comfortable with you. but when I'm thinking about my mother who is living in poverty,

I really feel sad.

When I think about my father who had to work to help pay back my ptptn loan,
I feel sad..

they brought me grow up until im this old. how could I ever break their heart?

can u find an example of chinese who married malay without converting?
why cant we be like christian, buddhist or hindu, those without have to convert their religion if getting married and live without these problems?

why can't i just love someone without have to think bout religion.
why can't i just love someone without all this problems..
what should I do.

He....asked me to trust him....

enrolling into music school (part 2 ) auditioning in Aswara

2009-10-16T18:12:00.000-07:00

When we reach Aswara, Gabrielle went to the video faculty and I went to the music's. I saw a man inside, so I went to ask him about the music course stuff. He is a tutor. He asked me about my qualification and what instruments that I played, I said violin and theory grade 5 cert and also playing guitar. He asked, am I the one who phoned yesterday? yeah, I phoned and the person in charge asked me to come visit their school the next day. The tutor said actually they already arranged to audition me at 11am in the morning but I didn't turn up.

I said, "what? I thought the person said she will phone me back to confirm with me but now it's all set? I didn't get her call. She just asked me to come visit Aswara that's all."

So the tutor went to talk to another 2 lecturers. They seemed thinking for a way out. It was like they needed violin student. While they were talking, I said to Corrine and Xhayne that perhaps I should wait for next year. Never thought of auditioning today. Maybe I should brush up my english 1st. They were persuading me to don't give up the chance.. I made this far and reach here already! Just go for the audition.

Then the tutor brought us to another place. He asked me to wait outside. This is the wall with the drawing of women in different races:

it's so funny when the tutor came out to call me and saw we were taking pics and he laughed out loud with the workers there :P

then he talked to me about ASWARA. He said in that place, the music students are not just mixing with their own people. They don't want a student who is only do good in music, but also sociable, capable. Thats why the people there are working together regardless of races. When the punch card machine came out the music, he asked me what is the key of that music, and hell I couldn't answer that. That was how he tested me. And then I told him I knew it's in major key, he looked happy when I can answer that. He said, the audition is not only seeing whether can you play the instruments or testing your music skill, but they also will have a small normal talk with you to see what kind of a musician you are. He said, sadly the interview is over, he would like student like me to study here, after seeing the way I talked to them. He, and also the people there, the workers, etc, are nice people; and the way the tutor talked made me felt they are so wise. Really different from people I've seen in other places for example MMU. nahh..don't wanna talk about it.

He brought us to outside the school hall and asked us to see the final exams of the students. So me, Xhayne and Corrine went there..we can hear music outside the hall.

music students are playing their music in front, video students are capturing the video at the left corner behind the hall, sound engineers are at the center behind, lighting students take care of the lighting...each departments doing their own things and there were teachers judging their works and giving marks.

Then I phoned Stanley. He came to meet me after that. I told him that the enrolling is finish. we had small chat together the others. Then he said I should go and asked the lecturer whether can I get the form.

So we went up to find the lecturers again. We saw the tutor just now in his room but he was talking to some1 else. Then Xhayne told me that he saw another lecturer in another room and asked me to talk to her. Her name is Isabella.

She asked me do I have anything? and I said I wanted to know how to enroll into the school. Then she asked me to tell her my music background. So I said, I have grade 5 violin and also theory cert, I can play guitar, I joined symphonic band in my high school and she asked which high school I was in and I said Yok Bin High school in Malacca. She seems to know a lot about it. I said I played in various performances before in the band, and other than that, I also formed my own bands, and performed in various events. I like all kinds of music no matter what genre they are, give it classical, pop, rock, metal, chinese, english, if they can be called music, I love them all.

She asked me what do I wanna do after I finish studying music, and why do I wanna study music. So I said, for a stable job for sure is to become a music teacher. And for the reason why I wanna study music, it's because I wanna see more, learn more, meeting more musicians. My music knowledge is still low.

(of course my main dream is...to become the successful guitar god chick and prove to everyone!)

I also told her I am a violin teacher and guitar teacher. She was shocked and said with my grade 5 violin cert, I cannot teach. So I told her in Malacca, people couldn't find any violin teacher. That's why I am teaching. She thought for a while, and said if I teach, surely I have experiences. I told her I called yesterday and the person in charge (Pn Sue) asked me to come today. Then Isabella called her. She said we have a perspective student here - and then I saw Gabrielle, Xhayne and Corrine were smiling. They whispered to me 'you did it!'

Oh god. Thanks so much, It's all because of you all who supported me and persuaded me.

And then after talking finish, she asked me whether did I bring violin. I said no. Corrine asked whether can we borrow it? I told Isabella that I know Stanley. And it turned out she knows him too. She asked me to phone Stanley to find instruments for me. she talked to stanley using my hp, in cantonese, asking him to kaotim in 15 minutes. that was so efficient LOL

And after a while, Stanley came with Violin and Guitar.

Reiki called. He needed Corrine to go fetch him from work at 5.45pm but now it's around 6pm. He sounded pissed again. Then I said she better go, me and Xhayne's transportation will be settled by ourselves. See if we have any KL friends who can fetch. Corrine and Gabrielle are so nice. They wished me Jia you before they leave! :)

Stanley was with me and Xhayne in the room. Isabella went out to see the students' exams. Xhayne was having free jazz guitar lesson from Stanley... and I was practicing violin and guitars. Stanley tested me to press some chords and scales. After I played, he said ok i can pass. I was like what? he said when he was auditioning, he don't even know these chords. he also listened to me playing violin and he said "sure pass one la dun worry." I got relieved.

around 7 something, I was called to interview. Xhayne was together in the room to give me morale support! Isabella went into the room with her cheese bread too HAHAAHA and a music lecturer name Mr. Rosdan asked me to play guitar. So I played a blues stuff let him listen. then he asked me to improvising on an E blues. I did it. He asked me whether can I read score? I said I can't, and he said he can see from my playing that I read tabs. then he asked me to play violin. I said, this song is called William Tell Overture. Then he and Isabella were debating about the song's title. Hahaha, and then I played. then he asked me to play Shang Hai Tan which is the song I had never played before. He said he wanna test my ear hearing. And so I played with some wrong notes and then adjust back to the real notes. He said alright, maybe they will let me to have violin as my main instrument.

I asked them can I have guitar as the main instruments? They said no because they already have 40 decent guitar students in there. They said it's alright because I can take violin as the main one, and guitar as the 2nd instrument.

Then, we went back to Isabella's room. She said, "your violin playing is really bad!" I laughed out loud and said I admit, because I love guitar better! After that, she was seeing the file that I brought contained all my certs and asked me to photocopy which that she wants. My I.C. and also I need to ask Dato to write a recommendation letter and stuff....because I was late to audition and now I am a special case.

After that, Stanley brought me and Xhayne out to photocopy my certs and also to have our dinner at Tebing. Then we headed back to Aswara. Since Jian and Kinwee havent reach KL yet, I phoned Jay to fetch us. Then at night he reach and brought us around Pudu area and introduced us the road. I think it's called Jalan Loke yew. He said the road is protected by some gangsters head...he rounded and rounded the city and at last put us beside the road of Pudu. Me and Xhayne climbed up the fence because they just built those fence to prevent ppl from going in and out. HAHA! and I met my lovely bandmates inside Pudu. lucky for us, the minutes we went up the bus, the bus started to move. Xhayne was following Jay's car to Penang.

The tour around Music schools are finished, and our next destination - Penang, here KS comes! Ikuzou!

PEOPLE = SHIT

2009-10-03T06:44:00.000-07:00

God damn it this is so suitable for my mood now

Malacca rocks!

2009-09-18T04:46:00.000-07:00

Oh Chentaku ke Melaka

this band took a video when they were on their journey to Malacca and recorded some video of M'cca's music scene - that is Malacca Drums Core. My ex drummer from my girls band, Wendy, Terra Firma's drummer Shu Gene, Terry the drummer and Paul the bassist from SAA, and Alvin the drummer from Autumn to Midnights are the line ups in the video. Have a look at how MDC looks and sounds like.

I'm so shocked, happy and proud for my friends when I saw this video. Malacca's music scene are not known by lotsa people from other states and now the efforts of malaccans' musicians which always perform alot whether busking or gigs or events are captured in Oh Chentaku's video, all thanks to them! and also thanks to Oh Chentaku the founder! (founder eh cecece :P)

faker

2009-08-28T13:48:00.000-07:00

I'm so sick of childish people,

who criticized your mistakes last time but actually they can't even do the thing that you are doing,
and then they try to come near to u when one day they see you achieved well, and think 'whoa that person is so cool' again,
and try to be nice to you.

oh sorry, you are just a childish person who just wanna make friends with "people with abilities" and you are going to tell your friends that "hey that person is actually my good friend!"
your fakeness doesn't make me trust you. fuck you.

liar

2009-07-31T06:34:00.000-07:00

all the promises you made are lies.

all the words you said to me before are lies.

you lied.

you think you are a prince, you think you are so high up on the trees, huh?

yea, you can continue to think that high of yourself.

you are not even worth a second to be cared of.

sicko. you suck. so long, i quit.

Sad

2009-06-16T08:34:00.000-07:00

Tonight, my mother hit me and left my body with canned-marks.
My eyes were swollen, my tears were flowing out alot.
she scolded me, called me a short-life child.

Her word was running in my mind tonight. This whole night.

Yes. I might die young.
I might becoming sensitive and emotional if I continue to be treated like this in the family.

I feel really pain.
I don't like this family.
I wanna run away.

The adults are thinking they are the correct ones and the younger one are always wrong.
I was...what I did was just asking about someone's face in some beauty ad.
a guy was scolding a girl who was crying with her face full of pimples.
I asked, "oh god, what happened to her face?"
and my mother said, "people scold her because she had an ugly face, but there are still some people who had nice face and yet they want to destroy it! I don't wanna see you using those facial foams and creams anymore!"

so I said, "why did you scold me now? I was just asking about the ad."

she said, "if you have our genetic, your face will be beautiful without even using the facial foams and stuff!"

"but I had already been using it since last time until now, my face had never had anything serious happens, and I'm doing those to protect my face from the dirts in the polluted environment nowadays..I know what I am doing, mom! Don't worry."

and there she goes saying," can you please make me peace? I wanna watch the tv show."

I wanted to discuss with her. Telling her how I feel about how they treat me.
It's not just today.

"why do you adults always try to find a chance to find out the mistakes of youngsters?"

and then she yelled at me.
"say it one more time! And I'm going to hit you. you short-life child."

I said, "I'm just trying to make you know me better. Please understand me. And I was really sad that you called me short-life child. Do you really hope that I have a short life? I'm really stress now."

"I know! I know ur stress about stop studying in MMU and switch to music! ur stress that you won't get into that MUSIC school!" she exclaimed the word MUSIC.

Why did she mention about the music school now, all of a sudden? I asked.

Then she quickly ran to kitchen and took the cane, came outside and canned me.

while she canned me, she yelled,
"say a word again if you dare!"

I said, "please try to listen to me, I just hope you can understand how I feel!"
and there she goes hitting me again.

again. and again.
She looked like letting all her indignant out to my body.

I was so weak I lied down on the floor. I hoped she stop canning me but she still continue.
I....
My body was hurt.

she left me who was groaning of pain on the floor, off to the kitchen.
I was crying, reaching a paper near me and started writing with my trembling hand.
About everything, about how I feel at this moment. About what is happening.
It was just a small matter about the ad from the tv..

after an hour,
she came outside and talked to me who was still lieing on the floor, writing.
"have you learnt your lesson yet? You made my anger raise and I could even break your bones. Luckily what I took was a cane instead of a knife."

why isn't my mother a person whom I can discuss about everything together?

I spoke while I was crying.
"I just try to explain and let you understa...."

"DON'T you speak to make me angry again!"

I am not going to stay quiet.
I asked her, "mom, do you hate me that much that you want me to have a short life?"

she said, "it's not me who determined your life, it's the God!"

so I said to her,"I still want to really tell you about this, mom."

"Don't you speak again! I just want to watch a nice TV show, and you started all this trouble to
spoil my mood! and now you are making my blood boiling again!"

Do you really have such a high ego, mom?
are you really that short tempered?
All I wanted to hear, is the word coming from your mouth, saying something that could make me feel warm.
Yea, just that..
Because I am younger, so you can take me as a tool to let out all your fury, without thinking of the pain I'm having now, the sadness I'm having now, right?

"I am just sad when I heard my mother called me a short-life child."

"OK! you are going to live until hundred years! Are you satisfied now? and we don't know whether you will be living in happy or miserable life in such a long life!"

Maybe,
I am better off dying young.
Will I have the same life as her, whom husband run away with other woman?
I..I don't want to.
This is a problematic family.
Do you wanna see me living a bad life?

She said I don't love her. I didn't make her feel peace. But I..I am also the one whom mind is so troubled now. I am the one whom body feel so pain now. I am the one who feel so down now. Did she know that?

she is just a person with very high ego.
but that way she hurt me so bad. so deep that I feel alone. So pain that I wanna run away.

I hate everything right now.
I hate this family.
Brothers fighting with each other.
Father punching my mom in front me when I was small.
I've seen alot from this family.

she left me alone again, and then yelled at me to sleep early and she went upstairs to sleep.

Do you think, I can sleep nicely,
after all that you did to me today...?

I'm still crying.

my fingers are tingling.
my mouth is dry.
my eyes are burning.
these red canned-marks on my body is temporary,
but the heart's pain that I got from how the family treated me,
this 19 years...I feel hurt. I'm hurt.
can it be cured?
I really don't know,
who can I share my problems to now.
I don't want to see you now. Because whenever u appear, after how you treated me today,
It's all just going to create hatred inside my heart.
I don't want to see you. Go away...
Stop coming near me to hit and yell at me.
I don't have the right to voice out my opinions, after all.

Edited 21/1/2012
I am 23 years old now.
I know now. My mom is a very sad lady whom her husband betrayed her with other woman.
I had experience now.
sometimes human beings are unpredictable. she is a pitiful lonely lady who already had hurtful memories.
but one thing to determine whether do they really love us is, when we are really pain and down, they will be at our side helping us
My mom does love me actually.

enrolling into music school...(part 1)

2009-06-10T00:40:00.000-07:00

Last friday, which is 6/5/09, I took the 8am bus to KL. God dammit I never even sleep because I was so nervous. Half way journey I realized I forgot to bring hp charger when my hp had low battery warning! I was texting my keyboardist, Xhayne; and also Corrine in the bus. Luckily I have friends who can lend me in KL.

I waited for Xhayne at KFC after reaching Pudu. Corrine fetched both of us to UPM 1st. When we went inside the car we heard japanese metal song. I asked Corrine is this her car? She said no, and she said look at these stuffs in the car, you can guess who's the owner. I can see 黑夜叉 hanging there, with this heavy japanese music, other heavy music CD like Korn, and also Jacky Cheung's CD, so I guessed it's Reiki's; and yeah I got it right ;]

Half way to UPM, I tried to take out the CD inside the car's CD player and then it got stucked. I was shocked, I called Reiki and told him about it and he said it's like that one, just leave it there. Because you'll need to have some Kung Fu to take it out. HAHAHAHA

Corrine was a UPM student last time and now switched to UM because the school's nearer to her place. We reach UPM after a while, located at Serdang. The guards were with their smiles and even asked us did we know the way to go to the faculty of music. And then when we reach, we heard piano sound coming from one small house. Rang the bell and a girl came out, I supposed that's the student there practicing piano. We asked her for the way to go to the music department's office.

It is located not far from the piano room. When we went there, I asked the staff about the things I want to know about music course. The staff recognized my voice and asked if I'm the one from Malacca. Too bad, the head of music wasn't there. He went to some festival in Penang. I got to know that UPM only have degree in music and I will need to have either STPM cert or Diploma cert to go into that school. I thought of showing her all the certs I got to see whether they meet the requirements, or some exception case; but she cannot give me an answer.

She said degree is quite tough, some of the students stopped because they couldn't catch up. So after I consulted her and asked lots, lots, lots of questions, I made up my mind to get a diploma first. Better to learn more about music before make any step further. So I asked her about ASWARA, which is also recommended by my friend Stanley who graduated there. She recommended that school to me too, and said it's good. So yeah, we will be heading to tour around Aswara later in the afternoon..

After finish asking in UPM, Corrine fetch me and Xhayne to jam with Omar, who was replacing our drummer because Ice had some things to do. Omar is studying in Icom, he just only listened to the songs for 1 time, although there were parts which he was unsure, but he sure plays real good drums, and he is humble. Glad to know musician like him! He left after the jamming session for a soundcheck of some other shows.

Then we had our lunch at a foodcourt in front the jamming studio. After that, Corrine picked up her friend, Gabrielle, who was also going to ASWARA with us. She was a student from The One Academy taking Video producing course but because of the expensive fees, she stopped. The weather was so fucking hot, and the wind coming out from car's air cond was becoming hotter and hotter if the car was not moving due to some problems; I was saying so hot, so hot, Oxygen, where is oxygen! we were all laughing, thus my hand automatically pulled down the window because I couldn't stand the hot. And then Corrine stopped me but the window was already pulled down until finish. She said Reiki said don't do that cuz the window cant be pulled up after that. And when I tried, oh shit...it really cant go up. The 2nd time I broke the stuff in his car HAHAHA so I called him again to say sorry. Yea he sounded pissed. After a while, the window suddenly can be pulled up again. We were shouting so loud in the car celebrating, I wonder did Reiki hear it.. And then I tried to take the CD which was stucked just now too, and it worked as well!! Hooray~

so we were on the way to Aswara. Gabrielle is a friendly girl.

to be continued..

2009-06-09T03:32:00.000-07:00

活在这世上

永远记得养成谦虚的人格

永远记住一山还有一山高

再说谦虚的人

往往得到更多人的尊敬

更多人的喜爱

可别因为一些小成功

而得意忘形

我们大家都是人

人都是一样的

但是现在的人忘了自己和别人都一样

觉得自己有身份有过成就就自大了

永远
做个谦虚的人

这世上是没有永久的赢家的

永远
都会还有更高的山

所以我们要不停地努力

KS in Penang with Flicked Mind (stay tuned for more pix..!)

2009-06-08T07:40:00.001-07:00

KS is in TV!!

2009-06-02T07:47:00.000-07:00

I feel so happy!! Move on, move on, to be bigger, Kawaii Sakura!

Goal

2009-05-30T10:36:00.000-07:00

I don't care how you look at me,
I don't care how you underestimate me,
you can do what you like, it's not my problems;
I will move on, upgrade and improve myself.
I will bring us up.
I will chase my dream no matter in what ways I want to.
Because I believe it.

Next gig - Anime Fiesta

2009-05-30T09:53:00.000-07:00

next Saturday, KS will be performing in Penang KDU college for some anime fiesta event. From what I heard, it's gonna be a big thing. no doubt I will be seeing lotsa cosplayers, so Ima going to take lots lots lotsa pix on that day!

the journey is as follow:
this coming friday, I will be taking bus alone in the morning to KL, and then tour around Aswara and UPM with Corrine's friend whom I will be meeting there. Jian and Kin Wee will depart from Malacca around 5pm and Kin Wee will put his car at Jian's house. We are going to jam at 9pm with Zhuang Hao and Stif together. Thanks to Stif (the vocalist from miniature Garden and Bouncing Asian) will be helping us in the drums due to our drummers are busy with their own task!

After jamming, we will be preparing to go Penang by 12am midnight bus which Corrine had bought for us. Gonna havoc inside the bus! Thanks Corrine, wish that you can go along tho :(

My brother will fetch us once we reach Penang the next morning. We will put our inruments inside his car and he drove us to his house there, get ready for the performance, breakfast and stuff. Our slot will be around afternoon, 2pm. the time is flexible.

after we had done performing, playing around, seeing things and taking pix and travel around for Penang food, we will be going back to KL by Penang night bus. after we reach KL, Zhuang Hao will be going back to his hostel, Jian back to his house with his girl friend Choy, and I will be following Kin Wee's car which he put at Jian's house, to Melaka.

And on Sunday, after finish teaching music classes, I will be auditioning for some unplug contest with Jithan.

Let's pray for the safe and smooth journey of KS and hopefully nothing goes wrong. Wish KS will be successfully having exposure in Penang. Adios!
punk rock 4ever beb!

够了吧

2009-05-30T07:22:00.000-07:00

什么天长地久
根本就是一派胡言
在背后却做出跟嘴说的不一样
嘴巴说说
谁也能做得出
这些说谎话的人
多得是

I got my cert..

2009-05-25T03:49:00.000-07:00

I printed out the MMU's withdrawal letter of studies this morning. I'm going to quit, and I'm going to study in the music field.

After finished teaching the music classes this afternoon, I went to find my violin teacher and I got my ABRSM grade 5 certificate of music theory. MUSIC SCHOOL HERE I COME! The refund of government loan (which is PTPTN), meeting the counselor of my school, get the signature from the library office and the finance officer...I will have to settle all these tasks too. Basically, I just need to run here and there, which is the troublesome government gave us..

For the choice of the music school which I am going to enroll into, I already have two in my mind: either ASWARA (previously known as ASK) or UPM. I called the person in charge this afternoon. UPM is the choice I might make now. It's a local U and so far what I've found is only good things of the school. If any of you had heard before the feedbacks of studying in the schools, do tell me! I would appreciate it.

Lastly, I would like to say farewell to all my friends in MMU. Thanks for the moments, thanks for everything. Sorry for the sudden news though. I will still find y'all next time, do keep in touch...Good luck, and all the best in your studies!

oh oh, do correct my english language if I made any mistake. I wish to improve my english better!

Good luck and Farewell

2009-05-22T15:12:00.000-07:00

Universities & colleges, their motive is still doing business..

I'm currently boring in the morning facing a note which I ain't interested in. so I'm taking some stupid vain pic which is what I love to do.
I'm gonna prepare to take my finance paper 2 hours later. it's 6.17am now.
What will u feel when you are forced to watch the meeting session of the prime minister and the head of each states, which u totally aint interested at all?

it is my 4th paper and after finance, I will have 3 more papers to go.
Until, I leave all my friends...

kill the pirates & lawyers!

2009-05-20T08:50:00.000-07:00

Today, I lost my voice. I guess it's because I don't sleep for one night. I'm taking a break preparing for Managerial Communication exams for this coming friday now, and also Finance and Japanese Language on the Saturday. Dammit, I want the exam to finish faster so that I can do alot of stuff! God University is draining up youngsters' life.

Then I went to see some youtube videos again.

Do you still remember watching this when your small? The name of the movie is called Hook, it's one of my favourite movie by Steven Spielberg which talking about Adult Peter Pan who forgot his young times and forgot how to fly. I'm sure you still remember it, right?

This is a great movie which made me tears everytime after I watched it.

To Never Never Land!

2009-05-19T23:08:00.000-07:00

I just happened to see this old anime in internet again.
Sailor Moon is a good anime actually, they have an emotional story there..
I know lotsa people don't like this anime, I was having the same thinking when I was small either; until Chibi Usagi appeared in the story, that was when I started to follow up the comic!
yea, I hate Sailor Moon, but not that pink hair Chibi Usa!
I like Chibi Usagi and her pegasus, I was so happy and surprise to see the anime version because in there they have alot of their adorable stories which are not written in the comic.

I'm proud to tell people that I love this anime although they are gonna call me a gay! hahaha!
Here's the video which I saw, it's divided into 2 parts; try watchin the whole video to understand the story...the best part is slowly coming in from the middle..!

taking a break from thinking

2009-05-19T13:31:00.000-07:00

"God, I pray to you, to at least make me pass all the subjects, I promise I will be studying hard, it's 4.35am and I will not sleep and prepare to go for my exam on 9am later; I promise I
will try to go to every classes and won't be a skipper again!"

May

hahahahhahahahhahahaha..
I'm so stoned...ima like a zombie now.

ugh...
I tried to drink nescafe, hoping that it can make me awake..
yeap I was awake and feel fresh, but not after 15 mins passed. Is the company of nescafe cut down the ingredients or dose which can make us awake already nowadays?

I don't understand, why should we study the same subject that we took in high school and Pre-U before..All I can think is for them to earn students' money, by paying for the subjects.. thought we are gonna free from that subject after passing the exam, and we don't need to memorize those hectic formulaes already, but hell man...MMU keep making the student study back the same stuff.

dang, it was my fault to never make good use of my time to study, and playing music instead..zzz make me pay the time using my sleeping time..
I'm not worry about today's statistic exam but later from thursday on, my finance exam...maybe I will be having problem on that because I only went twice to that finance class in the whole sem LOL

damn, I need to force myself to study for the thing that I'm not interested..

wow, the sky became brighter so fast. the birds are chipping already.

off to exam!

Wings to fly away. But Where?

2009-05-16T14:59:00.000-07:00

I dont like to talk.
why should we talk?
I just wanna get drowned in the sea of music my whole life,
playing my favourite music.
But...
That's not the reality.
In reality we need to have good verbal skill, PR skill.
We need to adapt to the changes,
We need to study, we need to make our parents proud,
We need to earn money to be able to survive,
we need to overcome any hard challenges and burdens which occured in life.
We...need to get used to the way how people see and treat us negatively.
we need to GET USED BY OTHERS.
I,
I just want to play my music.
I just want to do the things I love and be success in the things I love.
Can't I?
I need to be an adult. I need to grow up.
but..
Can I don't grow up?
I just wanna stay at 16, 17 years old.
I don't like life full of stress, full of discrimination, full of misunderstands.
Graduate, find a job, tired of work everyday, meet the person I love, married, earn money for the family, grow old, and die.
I...I don't have much time to play my music like this.
I need a pair of wings to fly away.
But..
to where?
To never never land? if that is really exist. That is my dream.
I'm a teen which is in a confusing life which I have to learn to think properly now.
This is too hard. This is way too hard.

the best musician is the best thief. Do you agree?

2009-05-16T13:54:00.000-07:00

I remember back then Kiko Loreiro, the two hands tapping guitarist, said to everyone in order to improve your playing, you need to watch more and steal their ideas. He said steal, not the better word - influence. And then we apply our own creativity to create our own style of playing, that is, the born of new type of our own music.

Even everything in this world we are stealing people's ideas. Poem, Essay, drawing, cooking, new cars. lotsa stuff...

Blues, which is the music genre that helped me in my guitar playing, is the root of the rock music. The whites steal the blues' idea, and made a faster beat of music, thus rock n' roll is born, which is elvis's world. and then here comes jazz, funk music. in the 70s, when people started discovered rock chords, old school rock is born (soft rock, hard rock, metal, punk rock). hardcore punk came to place in the 80s. and in 90s emerged rock subgenres include grunge and indie.

where did all these rock music come from? The people stold the ideas of the old music, which is the root, and improvise it.

I was talking to my bassist Dong late in the morning and we suddenly talked about this stuff. And then I received a cool saying of Jim Jarmusch from him.

Jim, he's a film maker who wrote cool stories for his movies. He wrote this saying by reflecting his experience of scripts writing.

hope this help everyone who needs it, to move on in their life.

Adios!

Bassoon

2009-05-12T09:26:00.000-07:00

I somehow felt nostalgic and was thinking about how much fun I had when I joined Symphonic Band in my high school. I was 13 and I was blowing Alto Saxophone while waiting for my main instrument, Bassoon, being finish repaired. it took bout 3 or 4 months. Yes...I was a bassoonist! And I like that instrument.The seniors were teaching me how to play the music instruments.

the 1st instrument I've learnt how to play is the saxophone. And then Bassoon is the 2nd one. oh, does the recorder which we blew in primary school count? Some of you might ask, what is a bassoon? and how did it sounds like? Here's some video of it:

We had various indoor or outdoor performances. indoor which we wear bowtie and stuff with a conductor in front, and then outdoor, we gotta wear the marching band's suits, no drumset, no timpany, no mallet. If you ask me, of course I would prefer the indoor one. Even the music are full with dynamic emotions. My favourite piece is Ross Roy by Jacob de Hann, which is talking about the school life.

Listen to the WHOLE music.

The music in the beginning is very majestically bringing us step by step closer to the big building. Slowly the change and dynamic of the music will bring us into the gate and we can see the life of the students learning swordmanship. they are going through the life of friendship, love, solemn and being successful in the end. The music has the oboe's solo, the clarinets, which will made us forgot about ourselves and drowned into the music. Those were the ol' days...when I were having band practice with the leader in front conducting us. we were practicing in canteen, in the locked classrooms, and the other students who passed by will watching outside when they were attracted by the music.

I cannot deny...I love music. And this type of music can strike my emotions the most. These orchestra music is the very 1st music which I 1st got attracted when I was small from the epic movies in TV, which made me into music very much, made me achieved the day I have today, seen the wider world of music and met all my friends who were playing music with me.

I'm going to play my music through my whole life. I thank God and my parents for bringing me in this world to be able to touch the miracle of music, and also to everyone who supports me.

to the world of music!

upcoming gigs

2009-04-16T09:42:00.000-07:00

Kawaii Sakura's gig:

=========================================================
1) 18/4 (Saturday) - Dance Carnival organized by Quan Wu Dancing Association with its objectives to promote dance culture and to publicize 3^rd National Dancing and Motivational Camp.

Venue: Dataran Pahlawan, Main Hall, Malacca.

Time: The event starts at 1pm and this is the list of the Malacca bands' performing slot:

3.10pm - Happy Dude (Chinese Rock)
4.00pm - 2nd To None (Alternative)
4.45pm - Kawaii Sakura (J-punk)
8.10pm - 5feet1 (All Girls Pop Rock)
9.00pm - SAA (Funk, Hip Hop)
9.20pm - Autumn To Midnights (Alternative, Emo, Punk)

note: these are only the band performances' time. Other than that, there will be dance performances, singing performances and games too.

Entrance: FREE

click Quan Wu Camp for more details.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
2) 25/4 (Saturday) - After the Jrock No Tamashii, KS will be playing in Jrock Promo Tour gigs organized by Spirits of Music in KL.

Venue: VR1 World Cafe, Damansara Intan, Petaling Jaya.

Entrance: Rm12 inclusive of 1 soft drink (gate sales will be provided)

Click Spirits of Music for more info & location Map.

============================================================
Other than my band, me myself will be playing in these gigs:

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1) 24/4 (Friday) - Maestro music competiton organized by
High School.

Venue: Ping Ming Hall, Malacca

Time: 7pm

Entrance: RM10. For VIP, Rm20.

I will be sessioning as rhythm guitarist, playing with the guest on that day - Malaccan guitarist Zabel Yong on 1 of his solo project called Homeland Blues.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
2)2/5 (Saturday) - abc Music Festival organized by Go' Music

Entrance: RM2o (contact me for price of Rm18, non-negotiated)

I'll be the guitarist for Terra Firma, the Malacca Jrock band on that day. Be sure to check out this band because they wrote awesome songs!

bandage

2009-04-16T07:14:00.000-07:00

is everyone just getting benefit from me?
I feel like dissapearing. I'm hurt..
ppl are laughing & teasin at whatever im doin.
I..I'm trying so hard, but what do i get from them?

everyone thinks I cannot do anything, everyone thinks I suck. Everyone said..
'she cannot do it.'
'if she did it, the world's gonna go down.'
'she? ha!'
'oh, she's angry already..let her have what she want!'

every1 loves to talk about that to me.
but you don't know how much I've did and how i've helped out y'all.
every1 said that to me.
every1 never put me in their eyes.
but when I helped them to achieve something,
they are being in cloud nine.
I...am I never even do a thing in helping you all, in your eyes?

when there are mistakes, I'm always the one to be blame.
Am I that nice to be bullied?
I admit, I'm not a person who is good in verbal talking.
I'm trying hard to express my emotions.
I'm trying so hard without ppl's support.
I'm trying.

I'm crying.
I'm alone. so mother fucking alone.
I can't even tell my problems to anyone that knows my situation.
God, tell me
why did people love to underestimate others?
I'm sad,
I feel so hurt...

The song named It's Me

2009-04-08T03:44:00.000-07:00

My previous band's (5feet1) drummer, Wendy, has just finished recording one of the song called It's Me in her solo project.

I made the melody and arrangement for the song, and I'm so glad the song turned out fantasticly!

This song brings back memories. I remembered when I was still in my high school times, I was sitting down playing the guitar and singing to the girls in the band to let them listen to the song, and then we discussed about adding backup vocal in the chorus. And then they were saying Ima punk rock kid because I made the song different than the band's genre. I was the youngest in the band that time anyways and they are all like sisters. At 1st I thought the song isn't that nice and thought of throwing it away, but Wendy loves the song, so she asked my permission can she take the song and I said yea, and she work things out for her solo project.

Wendy's drum beats make the song sounds nicer, Dennis recorded with nice guitar and bass' tune and presets, and JD's skill in mastering the song...And Wendy's singing really give me a different feeling, It's punk rock, but in elegant way. And It's really fun to hear her shouting '1,2,3 GO!' in the song. I'm totally impressed.

Wendy, if you are seeing my blog...keep up the good work k? I know you won't give up music for your life, you love music, we love music, you will always have my support!

She's a good female drummer. FEMALE drummer, and she can play with nice tempo, nice fill ins, tidy beats. Which is rare to see in Malaysia. And she's a girl with passion in music. I'm sure she will be successful one day.

Check out her song It's Me in her myspace. Find out more about her in her Myspace

suffocating, stress, sick

2009-03-02T05:28:00.000-08:00

I am feeling dizzy..
I have ulcers in my mouth, my throat is feeling hot and pain,
my pimples are appearing more and more, my eyebags and dark eye circles are appearing,
My body feels pain,
I feel like fainting at anytime.
I slept almost only 2 hours everyday near to 2 weeks already,
I have insufficient sleeping time,
Because no matter what I still need to finish up my works, assignments, band, music classes, and etc.
Skipped classes for the sake of the band, doing my best for the upcoming shows..
I am 19 years old and I'm playing the role of student, music teacher, bandmate, music student.
I'm dying. Sometimes I feel hard to breath, I messed up my dining time,
I'm dying.
I'm dying.
And still there are people around that loves to creating problems to make me headache.
Still there are people who are prejudice and trying to disturb whatever your doing.
Come on. I don't have time to play all the childish misunderstanding stuffs.
I'm dying.

sushi day with wendy

2009-02-24T09:48:00.001-08:00

some pics from last week.
it's been kinda long for didnt hang out with her again :)

helping my friend

2009-01-22T08:33:00.000-08:00

Chris (Endless Eternal) bass was stolen on 22 January night near SS2 Murni
------------------------

Its a white bass with sticker on it, a musicman sub5 bass. Only a few of tis basses came to malaysia,

and white ones are very rare. If u guys happen to see sum1 with it, or trying to sell it pls kindly inform me. thanks lots

critical details
Musicman Sub5 Bass
White colour body
Black painted neck
No pickguard

Chris chong
017 2490957
016 2737290
crazychris1985z@hotmail.com
chrispy0712@yahoo.com

so if anyone happens to have some information about it, do contact him la. This is a really expensive bass.

professional advise please

2009-01-20T11:10:00.001-08:00

if there are experienced people out there, i need y'all advises: will it harm our body if we exercise at night? it's 3.10am now, and I was exercising half an hour before this.

I was told that our organs are recovering during 11pm - 2am. but I always work out at this time. will it harm my body?

I was told that humans need 8 hours sleep, sleep early, and wake up early. if we sleep late and are still sleeping in the morning, our body never get the chance to do recovery. from 7am - 9am, our body is doing the attacking bacterias function. Err...I always sleep in the morning and wake up in the noon. but yea i do get enough sleep. will it harm my body?

will it harm my body?

will or will not?

ADVISE ME, PEOPLE!

going to bath now.

what's my age again??

2009-01-17T07:10:00.000-08:00

hahahahha i feel like laughing seeing back my kid time photos.

....
but I've grown older as time past...
from kids to teenagers to adults to old
stress, tension and responsibility increasing as we get older
and die
no
I don't wanna grow up..!

I just wanna stay at 16 years old with my friends!!
I just wanna play music!!

love story

2009-01-15T00:08:00.000-08:00

we were both young when i first saw you
i close my eyes
and the flashback starts
im standing there
on a balcony of summer air

see the lights,
see the party the ball gowns
i see you make your way through the crowd
you say hello
little did i know

that you were romeo you were throwing pebbles
and my daddy said stay away from juliet
and i was crying on the staircase
begging you please don’t go, and i said

romeo take me somewhere we can be alone
i’ll be waiting all theres left to do is run
you’ll be the prince and i’ll be the princess
its a love story baby just say yes

so i sneak out to the garden to see you
we keep quiet because we’re dead if they know
so close your eyes
lets keep this down for a little while
cause you were romeo i was a scarlet letter
and my daddy said stay away from juliet
but you were everything to me
and i was begging you please don’t go and i said

romeo take me somewhere we can be alone
i’ll be waiting all theres left to do is run
you be the prince and i’ll be the princess
its a love story baby just say yes

romeo save me, don’t try to tell me how it feels
this love is difficult, but its so real
don’t be afraid we’ll make it out of this mess
its a love story baby just say yes,

Oh, oh

I got tired of waiting
wondering if you were ever coming around
my faith in you was fading
when i met you on the outskirts of town, and I said

romeo save me i’ve been feeling so alone
i keep waiting for you but you never come
is this in my head, i don’t know what to think
he knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring

marry me juliet you’ll never have to be alone
i love you and thats all I really know
i talked to your dad you’ll pick out the white dress
its a love story baby just say yes
oh, oh, yes
we were still young when i first saw you

friends

2009-01-14T00:37:00.000-08:00

sometimes I think it's better to don't know many friends.
we don't need alot of friends. a few good friends that understand us are enough.
when we have alot of friends...then we will have alot of conflicts.
when we have alot of friends...then we must be more careful to protect ourselves by not being cheated.
when we have alot of friends...it's so easy for us to make a mistake.
when we have alot of friends...we are going to get used by them.

"a good friend will bail you out of the jail...a true friend will sit next to you and say,'damn amn we fucked up..' "

I don't know why the hell I feel like writing this post?

updating...my kl trip

2009-01-11T22:18:00.001-08:00

firstly I would wanna introduce my friend jacob, whom is my coursemate and course group leader, fetch me to school for exam and also fetched me and TJ to sentral on saturday morning...thanks alot to jacob!
I took kinda less pictures, but i will upload whatever I have it in my camera...

I wanna thank ving for fetching me around in KL, and also hanging out with us introducing the stuffs in KL. had a great times.
thanks to Reiki who passed me the shirts too.
thanks to TJ helping me carry my guitar...it's heavy
thanks to my friends who came to lepak and watch us in the botb, reiki, ving, tj, ejun, ji teeng..
thanks to Junjie for fetching me.
thanks to jacob who fetch me on saturday.
thanks to jian fetching me around in KL to play.

i shouldn't look back to the past,
I should look forward to the next thing I have to attend.
i should start my new day in this holidays,
I have to start to get slimmer and practicing to improve my own skill!

coward

2009-01-02T08:32:00.000-08:00

since my 3rd elder brother came back, he just wanna make the family hate me and have bad impression about me.

He doesn't ask in front me, but ask my mom when I'm not in the house, said where did i find alot of money to buy the guitars and pedals? and he can even tell my mom that maybe i was selling my body to become a slut who earn a living? WTF? he told my mom that, she dunno alot of things about me, @#$%!!!! like he knows me very well!! A dude that seldom comes back house and doesnt have connection with the family alot, dare to say stuff like this!! Even IF he care about me, (I said IF) why can he said stuff like this to make my mom doesn't trust me anymore?!

And now my mom doesn't trust me that much, said she wanna spotcheck me anywhere I go. Man, everyone has their own space to do what they like, and she expect to see me go to jamming studio to play with my band? she? what will she thinks? she hates music!!

my money to buy pedals and guitars all come from my savings and my salary of teaching students, DAMN IT!! I saved it for a long time already and I just wanna get the stuffs I love!!! WORK AS A SLUT?????? I can't believe that a brother could think like this about their sister.

IF DUNNO MUCH ABOUT ME, THEN DONT ACT AS IF U KNOWS ALOT!!!

he had never talk much or response to me when I'm talking to him
he's like stranger to me
He yells at me when he wanna call me, and NOT calling my name
he dunno my exact age
he dunno my birthday
he dunno the things I like
he dunno the food I love
he dunno the things I hate
he dunno what course am I taking in my school
he dunno what is my activities
he dunno who are my friends
He doesn't even care
he dunno EVERYTHING ABOUT ME except that my mom is the one gave birth to me and how to spell my name.

my friend Wendy came to my house and I followed her to go out. when I reached home, my mother soal siasat me again. "Is your friend working in night club? Ah May ah, even own mother also, u wanna lie? please la..stop mixing with these people. No wonder you pierced your lips, learn to makeup."

"why are you saying my friend is working in night club?? She's not!"

"your bro told me."

CAN YOU SHUT UP AND ONLY CARE ABOUT YOURSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

makeup, piercing?? it's not because of her! I learnt it on my own!! I went to pierce for my own!!
Make up??? that's so normal for girls!!! Even going for interview, we make up! even going to work, we make up! BUT!!! I'm only makeup for some occasion!!!
piercing? yeah, I understand, parents will hate this. But I know what I am doing, I am not taking drugs!!! before this i already had piercing, but why now when i came back after went out with my girl friend, then only scolded me about it???

siapa batu api!!!!! does he knows my friend so well?! I had never do anything to him why he wanna find problems in me!!! too free??

@#$@^%#^@&^%@&^%!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

我超不爽

不写了
冲凉去
大家晚安

it.s 4.30am

2008-12-30T12:12:00.000-08:00

trying to be optimistic.

is it I'm a fool that easily being used by people?
I'm a mistake.

I don't wanna repeat the same thing again and again.
But...

People really come to us only when we got something, right?
When we achieve something, when we impressed people,
We got lots of friends suddenly. And we are happy to be loved..
When you are down,
When you dropped down from stair..
it's time for you to see who are the person that really are your friends.

alone. So mother fucking alone.

I dunno who to trust.

what I did on X'mas

2008-12-25T04:51:00.000-08:00

my violin student, Andrew, is having his birthday on the x'mas eve. He celebrated it at Everly Resort Hotel at Klebang, rented the band equipment, and we, KS, was playing on his bday to get more exposure.

I went to fetch my guitarist Jian after his class at Taman Asean around 6pm, and then we went Klebang. Supposingly the party should be outdoor but due to the rain, it changed to the ballroom.

After finished playing it was 10.40pm, we went to Spectrum at Melaka Raya to play for another gig at 11.30pm.

so that's my christmas eve. Fetched Jian back home to BB after that.. it was too late and I'm really stoned. and then went back and editing the pics. slept on 6am..

----------

so today it's xmas.
I'm not going anywhere anytime and I'm only at home today, the time is not wasted, I recorded a video of me playing with my devil who's the only one accompanying me in the house.

我的魔鬼.

my devil is summoning me...my devil is summoning me...

tempting.
I sacrifice alot to get a devil!
and it's a real devil!

I woke up at 1pm, exercised, bathe, ate, some houseworks, downloaded blues backing tracks, practiced, started recorded video, uploaded, converted video, edited brightness, dealed with the lagging of PC, saving video, uploading to youtube.

I took almost whole day.
...

new update! Spirits of Music

2008-12-23T12:07:00.000-08:00

glad to read the post that the organizer updated in his blog and talked about the bands that were going to the audition last sunday! KS is inside!

click SOM

must practice hard for the event!

KL hot trip

2008-12-21T11:23:00.000-08:00

12.30am
-passing Jian's and my guitar to Ice. (told my mom kononlah follow school's club to KL for some exhibition)

7.30am
-morning called Ice.

8.15am
-Kinwee's car reach 1st (her sis is hot...) and followed by ice who after pumping petrol. followed Ice's car.

9.15am
-breakfast at ayer keroh. bee hoon hee kiao =]
-continued driving.

laa...macamlah I became mentol pula..

11.15am
-reach Damansara. met Jian and his bro, went for some tea while waiting for Kin Wee, Yong and his gf.

12.20pm
-reach Awakening production jamming studio at Taman Danau Desa. saw some friends and familiar faces.

-met Chris! Ving and Reiki!
-auditioned.
-leaving the studio at 1 something as Ice is rushing to do his business in Bentley. went to lunch 1st.

3.30pm
Reach Kim Gary's restaurant at the Curve.

Kin Wee's combo set!

Ice's Prawn baked rice with double Cheese!

4.30pm
-back to Bentley building and hanged out with a clown that isn't funny in front the lift entrance

The clown said I'm short.

Hanging out at Bentley Damansara The big music store with walls of guitars!

-Bought my RGT6EX

7.30pm
-Kin Wee, Zane and his gf went back Malacca 1st.
-Me with Jian, Ice and his wife went to timesquare I-socks to check for the weird shirts but it turns out different than what I've thought.. we were looking at those shirts for a long time and only Jian bought a handcuffs with pink fur and I bought A green shirt.

9.30pm
Ate at Jalan Alor. *Fried Tang Hoon*

11.30pm
leave to Malacca
reach home about 1.30am.

Lastly...
Kawaii Sakura passed the audition and we are gonna play in Spirits of Music! Thanks everyone..!

beautiful poem

2008-12-05T00:56:00.000-08:00

Woke up to the sound of pouring rain
The wind would whisper and I'd think of you
And all the tears you cried, that called my name

And when you needed me I came through
I paint a picture of the days gone by

When love went blind and you would make me see
I'd stare a lifetime into your eyes
So that I knew you were there for me
Time after time you were there for me

Remember yesterday -
walking hand in hand
Love letters in the sand -
I remember you
Through the sleepless nights
and every endless day
I'd wanna hear you say -
I remember you

We spend the summer with the top rolled down
Wished ever after would be like this
You said I love you babe, without a sound

I said I'd give my life for just one kiss
I'd live for your smile and die for your kiss

Remember yesterday -
walking hand in hand
Love letters in the sand -
I remember you
Through the sleepless nights
and every endless day
I'd wanna hear you say -
I remember you

We've had our share of hard times
But that's the price we paid
And through it all we kept the promise that we made
I swear you'll never be lonely

Woke up to the sound of pouring rain
Washed away a dream of you
But nothing else could ever take you away
'Cause you'll always be my dream come true
Oh my darling, I love you

Remember yesterday -
walking hand in hand
Love letters in the sand -
I remember you
Through the sleepless nights
and every endless day
I'd wanna hear you say -
I remember you

MMU charity concert, Karabau cafe gig

2008-12-02T09:51:00.000-08:00

Congratulation! KS had finished performing on 1st dec 08!

1. MMU charity concert (8.30pm - 30/11/08)
2. Karabau Cafe, Jonker Walk (12am - 1/12/08)

On 30/11/08, it's a busy day, after my work, I drove to MMU with Kin Wee and Teng Quan. We reached MMU at 3pm and sound checked there. After that, we all went home to take a bath and ready ourselves to go MMU again to have dinner with everyone. after finished the dinner, we went to Jian's house to continue the makeup and setting the hair. I forgot to bring my scarf and thanks to Teng Quan who brought it from my house.

Lucky, I got the videos next few days by taking it from the people from mmu students publication board. I took my pendrive and went into a room that I've never been before with students inside and their computers. Some of them were playing dota and chillin. They also asked me to play the videos at there and we watched together. Felt quite shy to let them see it tho...but they enjoyed it.
After all the times and energy we used for practice, here's the videos: quite suck tho.

flow cover

chai min you cover

mcr cover

And sorry for the sound quality.
we were just whacking and talked shits to entertain everyone.
After finished playing on the stage, we were chilling inside the toilet, and then went out to see BunkFace performance. Due to the lack of time, we had to rush to Jonker for the next gig. We experienced the jammed road that day.
for news:
>>click me!<<

t e a r s

2008-11-29T01:03:00.000-08:00

Today, after finish teaching music class, when I was about to leave, Ice shouted my name so loud; so I run upstair wondering what's the serious thing happening, and then he asked his 3 kid students to repeat what did they said about me:

"Come on! What did you all said about her just now?"

the boys seemed awkward and don't feel like saying..then one of the boy said,

"I said she's a music teacher.."

Ice said, "yea la she's a music teacher. But what did you all said just now??"

the boys just keep smiling and don't wanna tell.

Ice said to me, "when you left just now, they said, 'this girl very geng one right?' " and he laughed out loud.

"she's not only geng in this area, not only Malacca, but she's the best in Malaysia! None of any girl can beat her down!"

This is not the 1st time he said about this, back then I always thought he's just saying it to build up my motivation, and I dont really trust it, but today, I felt touched at that moment.

the small drummer boy said to Ice, "you can beat her maa!"

Ice: "I said girls, not boys!"

the kids and Ice laughed in the studio. Then I said,

"I will work harder!"

and then I leave.

I know I still have a long way to go, and I don't think I've achieved what I want. I wanna write this in my blog and this will be a nice memory when I browse back my blog when I'm older.

I wanna work really hard to become better,
I hope someday, sometime, I will be a person whom people love, will talk about, and mention about.

yesterday night, Ice, Jian, Zane and me were chatting, and he was telling the same thing.
Is God trying to give me a clue?
before Pek Loke left to Australia, he said,
"Maybe when I come back after 3 years time, you are already the best female guitarist in Malaysia."
Last time, when I was chatting with Wendy, she said that I may go far.
...Thanks for my friends.
Thanks for you guys' supports..
I will keep on practicing.

adventure

2008-11-23T09:01:00.000-08:00

KS will be playing for 2 performances on 30/11, which is next coming sunday. I hope all my friends can come!

1. MMU charity concert (7 collar t-shirt and Bunkface will be playing in the same gig) and Kawaii Sakura is the opening act band. we are so glad to be the only band that choosen from 10 bands that were auditioning. time will be confirmed later but it is estimated around 7pm.

2. Karabau Cafe gig, on that day, label companies are there to record down video title 'compilation of malacca bands'...some stuff like that. Sony Bmg is one of it. we will be going back to Jonker Street from MMU after the charity concert at night. I will upload flyer if I get one later.

we are currently practicing hard for these 2 events these days..

just now, we had a band practice session. when i reached i went into the studio and everyone is just there to started setting up.

when w were jamming, we were really crazy, and
Jian broke the guitar's E string half way when we were jamming.
and then after changed guitar,
Kin Wee broke the bass's E string when we continue jamming other songs. after he changed the bass guitar,
when the session is almost finish, when we were about to play last song, I broke the guitar's D string when the song was just started. Everyone was laughing loud everytime each of us broke the string. so after that we just stopped playing because time's up.

the guitarists strings all broke today, and this sounds like a band chemistry! hahahhaha

and then we had band meeting in the raining night to decide when's the next practice session and what had gone wrong in our playing and stuff. Pervert Ice Sensei also asked about the porn videos site thingy again.

the rain stopped. Jian had no transportation to go home, everyone needs to do their own stuff, so I need to fetch him back by my bike. Ice said he doesn't have a helmet so I gotta use my tactic of avoiding polices to fetch Jian. It was so funny by fetching someone without helmet at Melaka Raya and we were scouting to see whether is there any police. I went Bukit Cina way to avoid road block and then Zane honked at us half way. He was fetching friends to go somewhere with his car.

Thank God i reached home safely, and then I lent Jian the helmet. I fetch him back to Bukit Beruang and it's already midnight thus the road has very few cars.

no cars. so yeahhhh I lap minyak habis habis on my grandfather's road and we were screaming on the road! I dont really care and langgar the red lights too. hahahaha so after dropped him, I reached home and start typing in the blog.

No police at all! today rocks!

how did I start into music? (part 2)

2008-11-22T07:51:00.000-08:00

the sp vs. Busted CD were lent by a big guy name Choon Chi. He was ditched by everyone in the class and he has only a good malay boy friend (ibnel) in the class who plays guitar. Me, Kahmeng, Ibnel and Choon Chi were always talked about music. Then we talked about Green Day when their american Idiot video was 1st launch in tv3. Then we talked about Muse. Then we talked about Metallica! we talked about how cool we met a guitarist in friendster. A drummer. Someone with a cool profile picture screaming with the mouth open with a mic. Those, are my stupid high school days with the other classmates who looks down on us for talking about rock music that wasting the time. Those, are my stupid high school days which I have not much friends.

we were always hanging out like this. those times the miri school girls fight was a trend after it came out on news and we made a few videos..some of it had gone and this is the only one left. we have video that I was acted as the victim who was being bullied, and then others, take turns...high school times still sucks. i don't have much friends.

I influenced other classmates to play in a rock band. yeah, it was success at 1st, they started to wanna be a rocker \m/ but it was forgotten after that. I was studying in a chinese high school, which most of them loves b-boy breakdance and stuffs like that. And when I try to talk to them about rock music, i was like went to the wrong channel and couldn't fit in. sometimes I even get teased by others.

my classmate, names Kahmeng, was the ONLY person I manage to influence. I tried to poisoned him alot when his spirits of starting a rock band started 'fading' away.
we were listening to sp n busted those days.

He always talked to me about rock band on the phone at the late night,
sometimes really full of soul,
sometimes he lose his confident, and it happened random of times;

'rock music isn't good...parents won't let us to play..we can't be success in this country..I think it will be a waste of time..'

"Rock music can become people spirit! play it without your parents knowing! be yourselves and do what you want! Don't you wanna be unique? don't you feel nice to stand on a stage with 1000 audiences in front you watching you shredding your guitar solo with your rock band?"

so I were always bringing up his confident saying things like that....I need BANDMATES. There was a few of times his confident gets lower and lower. (he's kinda troublesome) in the end I bought SP live performance VCD and the video is really cool, with pierre jumping around and stuff, so I lent Kahmeng to see it, and thank God his confident was built up again.

He said
ARGHH Let's rock!!
I love it when he was full of Rocking spirit.
I scared when his confident lose down.

Well, he lose confident because the band thingy never started and we can only 'imagining' and 'air guitar' about it.

But man, what can I do about it? I was SO green. I have no lubang.

meanwhile, I influenced another girl to become keyboardist and create a band, when she said F.I.R. is so cool and she wanna play keyboard. her name is Eelin.
so I planned that one day let's go to the instruments shop. Kahmeng got to know the shop name 'daniel'. We don't have to buy 1st, just let's go see the instruments (to build up their confident again). so we went for a few times..sometimes Kahmeng went when he past by there...and I was really happy he bought his electric guitar that time, without going to the shop with me.

He kept phoning me to ask whether have I bought my guitar and when I said I am insufficient fund, he's gonna shout "go get it fasterrrr!!!!" I forgot how many times he's been phoning me to ask that questions. hahahaha, I couldn't count.

I really planning alot about the money. man, how can I get so much money? no one in my family support me to play music, I've went to Daniel for few times to asked about the products and prices..and I always think about a plan after got home. 'how should I hide my guitar away from my family members?', 'when should I play my guitar without their knowing?' and alot of stuffs..

and then one day, I'm all ready to get my axe. I went Daniel with Eelin after finish school. the story of how I got my guitar is a great adventure. read it!! >>>Click Here!<<<

So.

That's how I finally got my guitar!!!!
Eelin went back to my house, we punggah the stuffs to my house 3rd floor which my family seldom go up.
I strummed the guitar and the sound coming out from the amp.
"JENGGGGGG"
hell yeah!!! Eelin and me was crazy about starting a band.
I phoned Kahmeng that I bought my guitar.
and he was so happy, he shouted after hanged down the phone.
"WARGHHHHHH!!!!!!"

Eelin was still saving her money for buying a keyboard.

to be continuesd....

how did I start into music? (part 1)

2008-11-11T09:11:00.000-08:00

when I was small I can easily memorize the melody from TV ads and then play it on the piano toy..

When I was in kindergarden, I easily sang a song after teacher just sang it for 1 or 2 times, and i sang the loudest in the class, the teacher loved me...

and as I grew up I was listening to those chinese artists...

as I grew up I was listening to the boy bands like bsb and westlife..

until TV showed lotsa myth epic english movies, eg: Merlin, Phantaghiro or The 10th Kingdom, with orchestra music..I like watching that.. and my bro bought a CD of england orchestra of Brahms symphony..after I heard that, I felt those songs have stories inside and full of emotions. I realised the music I heard before this, bsb, pop chinese artist..is only for leisure.

Then when I just start secondary school my school has symphonic band club so I joined. I hope to play a musical instrument. that time I played saxophone and then changed to bassoon. And then I was the leader for bassoon team in wood-wind. We practiced songs and combined with the whole band and it was awesome. with the conductor in front.. have combine meet with other school..getting to know new friends..our school even get to combine meet with japanese students in the wind band from fukuoka..exchange sheet music and then we play with them. played in concert wearing blazer, bowties and stuff..I remember my favourite pieces are Ross Roy and knightsbridge chronicles.

but due to the studies problem, I quit it. it used almost all of my time to practice marching and playing instrument. I always went home at 7pm from high school. have no time to finish my school works and marks were going down too serious.

the interesting part is here..

until school of rock the movie was out when I was 15 years old. I loved that movie so much. It tells me how awesome rock music is.. never get boring watching it repeatedly until now..
and then I watched freaky friday and see how the people played in their band.
dang... I was thinking this is so great, this thing is the greatest thing that is gonna happen..

I wanna have a band.

and the 1st rock song I ever heard is by Simple Plan. Their 1st album. I heard their I'd do anything. I saw their mtv of Perfect playing on rooftops. And then Busted - air hostess. I know people hate sp and busted. but i dont care. I'm being honest here telling everything about how I got into rock music. anyhow, I don't discriminate music, as long as I love the song, then that song is good.

ugh...
I WANNA HAVE A ROCK BAND!!

I lent school of rock vcd to EVERY1 in my class. I tried to influenced them.
I was finding for drummer, bassist, guitarist and vocalist.
they were interesting at 1st but most of them doesnt have much commitment after that.
to be continue..

shit happened and they are all a sign of...updated

2008-11-02T00:46:00.000-07:00

30:10.08 : almost late to class, and forgot to brings alot of important stuffs.

30.10.08 : kena saman by police at melaka raya behind MP when there was a road block.

31.10.08 : Ping Ming primary school had short circuit, all the guest bands performance were cancelled, including kawaii sakura.

1.11.08 : sorethroat, selsema.

2.11.08 : another saman lagi at melaka raya near maybank by police. (why the hell are they so hardworking nowadays?!)

what's next?

new! 2.11.08 : right eye is swollen maybe due to the allergic of medicine.
--------------------
so I was shui for 4 days.
and now the conclusion is here. All the bad things that happened never stopped but come like a staircase. and it lead to a really big, surprise stuff that I had never imagine.

In a msn conversation, when I was asking Leroy can he go for band practice on friday, Leroy said he wanna quit Kawaii sakura. He has been thinking for very long and he decided to tell me earlier that he wanna quit to let me have early plan for the band's future. He quits because he don't have the likes to play energetic and punk rock songs anymore, and he prefer to play some different, oldies, countries songs with cross fusion. This is the most important reason of him too, He said he won't bring shines to the band by not enjoying the type of songs he plays...and I personally understands it. We do not have to force ourselves to play the kind of music we are not into.

he also said the band is lack of communication.. And I felt the same way. i was thinking of ways to make the bandmates to be together since last time, but Ice was a busy man who needs to take care of his shops, kinwee is studying in form6 and quite busy now (and I don't think he will want to hang out unless it's band practice), and I need to take care of my school stuffs, then teach music class, and practicing guitar, and all the time left is at night, and I usually don't go out very late. So..the only time we meet is when we are having band practice. I really cannot do much on this 'cause different people have different stuff to do in their life.. sometimes I feel akward to keep asking people to come out. but, i will tryto work on this.

This moment, Leroy tells me I am a positive leaders and he sees I have plans for KS, and like that KS will go far.. He thanked me for the effort of putting him in the website. He also said he can help sometimes if I can't find guitarist. He felt glad that I invited him when forming the band KS for the 1st time.

I feel sad that he quit. I was really sad for the whole day, honestly. My eyes were all blurry when I was lieing down on the wooden chair, watching the ceiling, with the sound of fan spinning, thinking of losing a great bandmate and thinking of the memories with him in the band. This feeling is the same as that time my bassist Pek Loke (dong) left to Australia. It was also the same, we were chatting in msn and he said farewell and stuff before leaving. And I hope this thing won't repeat again..

I feel happy to work with Leroy. I appreciated the efforts he put into the band, used his times to practice and do the best he can in the performance..And he's also a bandmate that is tolerance, understanding and nice to talk to. He won't quarrel with everyone and try to avoid arguments.. He helped alot on the songs lead and this effort brought up kawaii sakura. Arigatou, Leroy-san, for played together with us.

No matter what, I will move on, and bring up the band.
Because the the sakura flower will never wither!!

that is me, I will look positively, move on, embrace my dreams, chasing the dream, to play in my ROCK BAND that can become people's spirit.

I BEAT CRISIS CORE!

2008-10-29T00:25:00.000-07:00

Must record down. today, 29th oct 2008, 3.17pm, I beat ff7 crisis core for the 1st time on my psp. I cried playing the game.. And I will repeat the game as usual, lots of times, to complete all the secrets like how I did in FF7 original. (I'm a huge ff fans)

came out saving money for psp, no regret buying my psp.

maybe sound foolish to say this but I grown up together with ff, i played the original ff7 which doesn't have a good graphic as crisis core now, when I'm still in my primary school time. people who had never played before ff7 should play it. It is not an ordinary game. This is a good game that can strike people's emotion.

come and support

2008-10-20T07:22:00.000-07:00

leo charity concert organizes a competition of singing, dancing, and bands for charity purpose. most of the high school students will be participated. Venue is at Sek. Men. Ping Ming, 3rd floor, the hall. ks will be playing as one of the guest band. do come and support if you love everything about music and rock bands!

stress

2008-10-16T07:09:00.000-07:00

I'm just back home from teaching violin at Do Re Mi tonight. While waiting for Siang Lin, my classmate, to msg me about the arrangement of BKM online notes (because on there never stated which is which chapter), I'm here to update my blog. This saturday, 18th Oct will be the last paper for my final exam this semester. Right now I haven't start study yet. All I aim is just pass the subs...

I'm here wanted to talk about my music class.. recently a new student came to learn violin and music theory from me at ice, and she's a china girl..older than me 2 years, very pretty, dress up beautifully, permed the hair, dyed the hair, makeup, etc. and she's living here to learn English from Cambridge. She wanna learn all 5 instruments (piano, violin, drums, guitar, DJ.) wow, and she just took out cash money from her wallet buying all those stuff. I wonder does she has a sugar daddy over here?

feel kinda stress nowadays..have to teach, have to face alots of attitude, have to become a baby sitter for some small young kids in music class...have to think of what to teach in the next class, have to arrange for the music class time if some of 'em wanna have replacement on other days, have to care for my exams, my studies, my assignments, have to practice guitar, have to jam with bands, have to practice violin, have to take care of my mother, have to etc, etc, etc...........

nowadays, my times is packed than ever. I need to always arrange my time in a timetable.

anyway, I always look at the situations in another way. by teaching, I can improve my playing too. I can grab mastering the basic better.

so yeah...and I just received Siang Lin's msg. alright, off to study now!

have u ever wish that everything just stay that way?

2008-09-22T10:41:00.000-07:00

have u ever wish that everyone around you remain the same age?

have u ever wish that....u will not grow up and just stay at that age?

the age you played with your cousins in the forest,

the days you watch movies till late night with them waiting for chinese new year to start in few hours,

the days you stayed at your relatives' house and every morning your aunt, or uncle, will buy breakfast for everyone,

the days they brought you to cut the hair,

the days your cousin sister brought you home from primary school, and stopped by a hut to eat cendol?

the days when people love you for being funny, the days when people will listen to you when ure a kid?

those days had gone.

everyone will grow old and die.

everyone will have their own things to do and the relationship with relatives is becoming far.

everyone will look down at you if you act funny.

everyone won't listen to u like how they used to be..

everyone judges you in every actions u've made.

as we grow up,

the more miserable the world will be.

the more stress we are having.

the more things will be lost....

sometimes I wish I can just quit everything and return back,

why do I have to answer 'sorry I couldn't come today because I'm busy'

and then the relationship with relatives is becoming loose.

can I quit?

sometimes I was thinking to quit everything just in a second.

to dissapear myself in this current world I'm in.

and go back to the place..the place last time I lived.

but...without stepping into this 'world', which I went when I'm grown up,

I wouldn't have met alot of awesome friends, will I?

Can I...don't grow up?

Can everything remain the same?

---
wow, old school to the max. now I just flipped through the photo album.

check out more of these pics in my friendster!

psp unboxing

2008-09-15T03:39:00.000-07:00

really busy to update the blog recently. so this post is delayed :<
For the sake of playing more and more ff7 series, I bought the PSP SLIM and it is here finally! Bought it from the lelong website, which I found it the cheapest and reasonable price compare to lowyat and mudah.com.my. Cash in money on 30th Aug, and after waiting so desperately for 3 holidays, the pos laju man gave the box to my mom at the front door on tuesday!

i would say it is a cheap price, rm719 including alot of stuffs, add rm10 for postage. here are the psp info:

psp slim merdeka promotion

WHAT INCLUDE IN PACKAGE:
1)PSP-2006 V4.01M33-2 Console X 1
2)Original 1200mAh Battery x 1
3)Original Power Adaptor x 1
4)Manual & Box
5)4GB memory Stick x 1
6)Cleaning Cloth x 1

(Selected Colour:Piano Black)

7)Free Games In DVD x 1 (Up to 20 Games)
8)Hand Strap x 1
9)Screen Protector x 1
10)USB Cable x 1
11)Soft Pouchx 1

I can play all ps1 games and CRISIS CORE from now!!! HELL YEAH!

parcel arrived, at 11am

unboxing in progress

psp boxes with console and accesories

After setup everything, it's here! Heyyyy Baby!

Time machine will be invented!

2008-09-02T02:01:00.000-07:00

Large Hadron Collider (LHC), a gigantic machine which cost 6 billion dollars, spans the border between Switzerland and France about 100m underground, is going to be the future time machine that will open up the 4th dimension, wind back time for the scientist to discover the beginning of universe, and to bring us to a new unreveal mysterious world! it can travel with the speed of light, it brings human beings to journey between the time. that is, the time travellers.

but it is worried that once LHC is activated, it might creates micro black holes that will suck the planets into it and torn everythings up. Everything will be gone completely. As people said, doomsday is near. Could they be telling about this?

I was so worried that my life will gone just like that, since I'm still so young right now.. but now no it's proven LHC will not destroy the earth! AWRIGHT!

"After it's up and running, researchers hope to use it to answer some remarkably important questions about the nature of mass, dark matter, and the earliest moments of our universe. Science will reveal everything. We will see how another world looks like. "

See what another world looks like? They are insane. If this is a success then it is okay, but if it goes wrong somewhere..?

Let's pray that everything goes well.

I just watched The Last Samurai

2008-08-29T10:58:00.000-07:00

"I was hoping for my country, Japan, to be a modern country. and now we have rail train, our soldiers are using guns and cannons.
BUT, we cannot forget WHO we are and WHERE we came from."

That is the Samurai's spirit.. fearless to fight for the emperor as the responsibility of a samurai and the honour to kill themselves rather than surrender to their enemy.

The King of Japan said this when he received the katana which he presented to his trusted samurai, Katsumoto, after Katsumoto killed himself because of honour in the war between mordern Japanese and Samurai.

I cried watching that part..
you guys should watch this movie if u hadn't.

and I'm not going to tell everything about the story of the movie here. Else it won't be excited to watch it.

life is like a movie. A game.

2008-08-27T01:28:00.000-07:00

life is like a game. and God is the one who programmed it.

It's like how we play ff7. The storyline is already set. How it will start off, how's the climax, how it ends off. we don't know what will happen next (unless we played it repeatedly lotsa times). but our life, only once. we can't have twice a life... even if we do, the storyline is still the same. yea, the game's storyline is the same even if you play it repeatedly. Aeris's gonna die in ff7 anyways..

Movie is the same, isn't it? Can you change Edward Scissorhands to become a human boy..? No. Because the director already set the storyline. UNLESS, Unless he wanna change his life, so he made a film called Edward Scissorhands 2 that talking about Edward becomes a real human being in the movie.

In our life. We meet people who support us, used us, good one, bad ones, lovely, ugly, thin, fat, responsible, ambitious, hardworking, lazy, loud, shy, and alot of different attitude and patterns. but that's what happens in every1's life. THAT is what makes our story more interesting, more colourful.

no matter what happens, life goes on. We dunno what's gonna happen next.

Will a monster boss comes out suddenly from the chestbox? Or will I get my ultimate weapon, by opening the chestbox?

So, just continue playing the game (just continue leading your life). It will be very excited to know what's going to happen.

no one and nothing is perfect. We will have people who love and hate us. Human did mistakes. so, there's nothing to be shame about..

just try to think that life is like a movie..If Frodo never did his mistake by touching the ring. He won't be possesed, right?

It is all movie. It is all game.

Play it!

2008-07-13T06:11:00.000-07:00

Finished performing for CLS corridor night and KS is successfully done their part to make people feel young in the heart again. Love the crazy audiences that jumped, shout and runnning around. they rock!

more info and details about the event and what has happened, do visit here..
http://www.kawaiisakuras.googlepages.com
we hope everyone will continue to support us!

some video we chilled out after the live.

--
also today is my 1st day to be a guitar teacher teaching at Ice Music Paradise..
I think it all went well. We gotta have challenges in our life, tho. I currently have 2 students learning acoustic guitar, beginner.

my tasks left studying for quizzes, practising guitar, and arrange for plan about pekloke's leaving to australia next week.

I am born to play music

2008-06-28T02:32:00.000-07:00

I love to play music together with people who have same interest with me.

we grow up together playing music.

we show people that we're different from them.

we send our message through music!

I started to play music with musician friends...since I was form 4...

when I'm just 16 years old I always cycled to the music jamming studio after school and hang out with the friends...it always cure my unhappy high school life

I wanna play music with yall, you those who loves music and music is like our life, forever until we are old.
we love music.
even though my great music friend pekloke are going to australia for 4 years to study,
when he comes back, we are gonna continue play music together till forever, with our bandmates.

we gotta be success, because we rock.

promise me,

dont give up music, my fellow friends.

why do we born?

2008-05-20T08:53:00.000-07:00

I am a person who will start to think lotsa stuff when I'm alone. and this question really troubling me:
"Why do we born out in this world?"

saw my friend's nick in msn.
"你侥幸生存下来，就要好好活下去
U should be happy not scare as there is someone out there treasures and appreciates U very much."

Is there really someone who will appreciate you? ask yourself.
most of them never even care what's gonna happen to you, they just come to you for some enjoyment or when they need help.

This quote is always in my head since I'm younger, told by my mom.
"when tree is full of fruits, birds come; when it doesn't, it is standing alone on the ground.."

so?

best friend is very hard to find.

and this question - why do we ever born?
we born out in this world, be a fillial child, make parents proud, study, make friends, quarrel and get along back with friends, get a cert, find a job and work, marry with your partner, have your own family, grow old and see your grand children, and die.

is that why we born in the world?

could someone tell me?

kawaii sakura

2008-05-06T01:41:00.000-07:00

I've finished do the website for Kawaii Sakura..staying awake late in the morning for few days.

If I were to continue using the band's website I did in mmu adress, I can't be able to update the things.

If I were to use own domain name then I would have to pay it..so I'm using google pages.

thanks to Tham who was helping me searching for free web hosting website when I asked him :)

So here's the site: Kawaii Sakura is officially on the internet now.

Peace

2008-04-29T10:06:00.000-07:00

I wanna go somewhere peace and beautiful..

where I could rest my mind,

where I could heal back my health mentally..

and listening to the relaxing piece.

I need to rest.

alot had happened.

I cried.

I was crying while riding bike today and my mind was thinking of alot of stuffs.

ive not lived a good life, but i put up a damn good fight.

I banged a malay uncle on bike from behind but I manage to break and he didnt fall down. and nothing happened to his bike.

He got mad and scold at me..yes. .

people hate me.

no matter where i go, people will always find faults in me.

think negatively of me.

yes no one likes me.

everyone is being fakes.

love to use me.

then he was stoned saw me with tears. I said sorry and asked is he okay. He pat at my shoulders and said he's okay. go.

I wish all the suffering shall end.

ive not lived a good life, but i put up a damn good fight.

yes, my face is always full of smile. but no one knows the pain in the heart.

blog is the place for me to write out my feelings.

people comes near to me, only when they can get benefits from being with me.

I'm so sad.

I've tried to cheer up and be more optimistic person.

I was going to my aunt's house who took care of me last time when I'm small.

her family is warm..

her daughter playing with her kids..my uncle is there, my aunt is there, my nieces..

so warm. so happy.

but I'm not in their family.

since I'm small,all I saw is quarreling among family members.

lotsa shits had happened to me.

I just want a simple thing in life, that is

I just want to be loved.

I need peace..

PISSED. really pissed.

2008-04-28T09:10:00.001-07:00

came back from band practice for this saturday performance...was having good times playing music together. Music is the only thing that will make me happy and music saved me.

then i went home. reach at 11.50pm. I need to do all my works and practice guitar and stuff too. Then my mom scolded me. I was coming back home like nothing and feel so happy and she made me sad so suddenly.

she said I came back late. but since last time I promised her I will come back before 12am if I went out at night and she agreed. and alot of times everything was okay as long as I came back on time. but why today? (yea probably she's not in the mood)
I always will came back on time telling my friends sorry I gotta go and I really try to go back on time. I keep my promise, isn't it?
Even if I came back on 10PM, she will scold at me too.
Here is the part where it totally pissed me off - she then asked me to quit music, asked me to don't mix with my musicians friends and stuff said horrible things about music and so on.

you can scold at me.
I understand, sometimes for people who cannot control their emotions, they will act like this. probably she had got something bad happenned in hospital?
I can let her scold me.
But I really hate it when people saying bad things about music.

where do the daily radio musics she get from? where do the soundtracks and background music from movies, that can make the movie full with emotions, get from?

and then she started to bring back older things that happened to wanna create problem. and keep talking all the way.

Why don't parents love their kids to play music?
Why do they always hate it?
it's a good thing to play music, better than lepaking, taking drugs, smoking, vandalism and things that wasted time.

i play music like how other people play sports as their hobbies.
and I have been through alot by playing music.
I've met friends,
I've succeed to send message through songs that me and my bandmates composed together,
I've the chance to get contact with local bands,
I've the chance to meet Ray Toro,
I've been through sad and happy moments with the band,
I've succeed be in magazine,
I've alot of memorable moments, like how I got my guitar in the 1st place when I was 16 and how the shop owner send me and my friend back with his trucks,
I've happy moment, of learning to play guitar from scratch until today,
I've glory moments of standing on the stage with my band, with the stage lights and let people know us,
and alot more.
I grown up with the help of music.

do the parents know it? they dunno. they dunno how wonderful music had helped me.

Quit music?

I wont.

I promise I won't give up music.
she will be happy if I quit music.
But what's wrong with playing music?

play music...isn't wrong. nothing wrong..
and never wrong.
I know what I am doing.
I am not taking drug, doing adultery, sex, nor gangsterism.

I'm just playing music,
hell yeah.
I'm just playing a simple small thing called MUSIC, simple yet made me learnt in life and guide me in the process of growing up.

I love music.
But I AIN'T a puppet.
I am a girl who wanna chase my dream and I had worked this far.
I met my friends who have the same dreams and they worked hard too.

I work hard to become a great guitarist and even tho I suck, I'm still improving and I will prove it to people.

I can play scale now. I can play solo now. I've had this dream since high school.
yes I'm still suck.
But I gotta improve.
I will do my best.
because I'm a person who really love music.

That Is my dream. My ambition.

Once I have a goal, I won't let people interrupt me. It's not a bad thing after all.

I have been hiding from my parents and they dunno much about my band and music activities because they won't let me to continue it.

because..they found out I was involved in music and performed for the 1st time in the 1st place. Then they just know how to complain, yell, scold, hit..they can keep talking bad things about music to me for a week continuosly. it's so annoying. But I just keep quiet, and be patient.

I feel like running away from house that time.

But Im still playing my music. If they don't like it, I play it without their knowing.
that's my motto in life. I know what I am doing.

you expect me to be a child who always follow your back and doing things like what you want? just listen to your orders? so in the future when I'm adult, even after I married, you want me to just follow what you want too? like a soldier, or animal, who only follow what their master say?

or..you want a child that has their own ambition, has dream, chasing their dream, know what's right and wrong, will say out their opinions instead of being a puppet that only answer yes, and can stand on their own feet?

again I would say, what's wrong with your child playing music?
it's good.
children who play music is better developed.

no..they don't know they know my hard work and my patience to do this.
but, people love to see me playing music, isn't it?
Yes they love it.

Even teachers love it.
We play music and the others enjoy it.
It's nothing wrong.

tired and dissapointed

2008-04-27T00:53:00.000-07:00

been busy lately for this end of trimester 3. band practising for upcoming gigs, music, as well as doing school works. consumer fair and 69 seconds to fame thingy are over and next upcoming show is 3rd may in SFI.

ive been busy designing my webpage for these week and ive been sitting in front computer from the morning..and the website ima gonna do is about my band Kawaii Sakura. other than this i gotta do my math assignment (cover 5 chapters) and studying for math and accounting quiz..and also final exams is on 11/5..

I think I'm not controlling my life, but my life is controlling me.

I want my long hair back

2008-04-15T09:53:00.000-07:00

regret cutting my hair.

when I look at skid row's video today, look at them headbanging,..I feel even more worse

hahaha.

I wanna head bang so bad

shouldnt have ask the director to change a new image and cut a pretty hair that he likes for me...

dissapointed..

finally i know how to play the song I’ve always wish I can play on piano!

2008-04-10T22:13:00.000-07:00

I’ve always wanted to learn this song man..lu xiao yu from the movie secret by jay chou.

cause of this awesome incident..

--

in semester 1 when I was running around in campus with friends finding for place to study for final exams (everywhere is full with busy students studying, even library is full)

and then we went upstair of the main hall..above main hall. everywhere was dark..really dark..we were havoc, playing and shouting around.

and ..we could hear the beautiful piano music.

we looked through the window from above..and saw a guy playing piano down there inside a dark main hall with only 1 dim lights open. there’re 2 girls sitting down on the floor of the stage resting.

everywhere is dark.

but we were amazed by the music..and standing there watching from the window.

..until another friend called us to go down to find other places.

--

so I decided to learn to play this song although i dont have piano basic! that music is so beautiful.

i was asking around for people to teach but it’s so hard. they are busy with their own things and it's unconvenient.

until that time, went to a friend’s house to study with some friends, there’s piano in there. and i’m so glad to know that the new girl I met that day is the girl inside main hall sitting on the floor that day!! so i asked her to teach me some and she did..

but all i learnt was abit of the starting part only.

and then It was so hard to meet the girl again..

and then i tried to ask my violin teacher to teach me..she is a busy lady so she cant..either..

i searched for the piano score and got it in internet!

I decided to learn it myself.

I went to friend’s house with piano to practice! thanks to joining symphonic band in high school last time, i can read notes. I tested the note one by one in the piano.

anywhere I went, as long there is piano, I will practice.

really kinda hard to learn it cuz i dont have the piano basic..dont even know how to play piano..

so this piece I play with my own fingering..weird tho..

--

sc came to my house to take back her keyboard she left for a week..im happy she put her keyboard in my house and because of that i practice every day and night and i got it! i even used it in my english drama to play the song ive learnt!

then i taught sc to play the note per note thing in piano to combine with me!

so cool. im happy i manage to play this song in piano!

lets play!

friends

2008-04-09T05:53:00.001-07:00

there’s something called friends.

and it’s important and awesome than gf/bf thingy.

because..we climbed the fence together,

got chased by the police together,

bail you out of the jail together.

we failed together.

we succeed together.

as for gf/bf,

it’s just for releasing tension or sexuality desire, for most of the people.

yes u can get the experience of kissing, hug, loved.

but..

u can’t get the experience like how friends gave.

gf/bf?

u need money for dating..maybe it’ll lead u to bankrupt.

u would get control by the other partner. they don’t like the stuff u wanna do, etc.

then, break up. feel hurt.

it’s just a game for most of the people.

I'm not saying it is bad.

I love how the awesomeness friendship gave, that you can't get from the couple things.

friends are awesome.

brothers

tomodachi..

i cherish the moment.

cholorophil song composing competition - i really love it.

2008-04-09T05:21:00.001-07:00

actually i knew abuot the competition just 1 night before the audition, My guitar teacher Ice just told me one day before it hahahha...after that i straight phoned my bassist and told him about it and rushed to his house to compose a song of his..last time he composed it but only verse part.then we simply put lyrics..thought of just whack it the next day audition like how my guitar teacher asked us to.

pekloke the bassist is the vocalist as well.

I'm so shocked to know we were being chosen to final after the audition... but the judge said he dun understand wat we’re trying to say in the lyrics..hahaha we are really just whacking the song after all..

pekloke made all the lyrics again.. we worked together to play his song. tried to modify some here and there..to make the song sounds better.

we had band practices..crazy packed time table with lotsa exams and stuffs...
and after a week we performed.

we joined the competition not to compete...but to perform and get experience, and to send the message!

if we lose we lose nothing!
if we win, we win everything!

alot of prizes were given to other people..other people won alot..especially people from that high school itself that organized this event..
And when we were tryin to leave after very late cuz we got other stuff to do....
suddenly the emcee announced our name..2nd place!

my bassist faster put down the bass he held on his shoulder to the floor and ran up in front..1st time i saw him really happy. got 1 trophy and a white packet...inside is all chinese songs cd...I'm not interested and i asked pek loke to take it all..he said he isnt interested with those also lol.

didnt expect to win. haha actually I don’t really feel anything for winning tho but at last we got something for practising everyday. i just wish to perform and to successfully make people love us, salute us.. that’s all.

bridge:
说出来说出来说出来我对你的爱
你的爱跑不开甩不开它依然存在

"speak it out, speak it out, speak it out my feelings towards u.
your love, cant run from my mind, cant sweep it away, it’s still exist here."

chorus:
”不要走..” 你哭着对我说对我说不要离开我
"please dont go. you cried and begging me, begging me, don’t leave you alone"

the song's talkin' about a guy need to leave the lover and the girl doesn't want to..and the hard feeling to let go of the love.
meaningful lyrics pekloke had wrote.

music and bands, my bandmates, grew up with me together playing music...
are part of my life.

i wish..

2008-03-17T00:52:00.000-07:00

wish i could take a warmth photo with my brothers together.

but my family is a mess with lots of problems.

look in my photo album...look in all my photos..

and i found out all my pics is only me alone, or with other friends, or with my bandmates.

I just..

wish I have a happy, warm family and siblings that could go out together, sharing problem together, eating together.

I just want to be loved..

but i just cant get it.

drama in mmu

2008-03-12T09:46:00.000-07:00

finally today I've finished the drama. it's one of my compulsary english project in my uni..literature.

because of this drama thingy I had sacrifice lotsa times.. finish school in the evening and then practice until late in the morning...I dont have much time to practice guitar and stuff man. moreover next coming up is social work, and business project, and lotsa exams coming up.

fuck these...

anyway.

my group got "wedding dance" as the title.

Joey came out a good idea for the drama. he was once a director in his high school.

in this group there are daniel, joey, huiming, jeffrey, muujig the mongolian and me.

I used siewchen, my vocalist’s keyboard to act inside drama too. lol thanks siewchen for putting your keyboard here hahahahaha

we made a sentimental, sad story drama. we changed the story but as long the theme is the same then it's ok.

we had a happy moment at least and I appreciate the times we practice together.

yea, new experience!

look at this, the video I had edited for the whole day until 5pm in the morning..

..

I received a sms from an old friend..

2007-11-13T21:09:00.000-08:00

received sms from a friend that didnt contact for a really, really, really long time. in the msg:

[hey Ive connected all the wire, but the adsl light didnt come out. but the light behind cpu got. why? internet modem is not workin.]

that's all. that's the msg.

like I said, People just come to you when they need your help.

Video Of Me Drawing

2007-11-04T10:03:00.000-08:00

Drawing is quick, but EDITING and MIXING the video are really taking whole day. It's okay, this is the 1st time I'm doing a video and I'm kinda happy with the result.

here's my work.

new tooth comin' out - surgery!?

2007-10-31T21:02:00.000-07:00

went to consult dentist this morning.

I'm late.. so I have to register again..and the registration fee is RM2.

damn it..everything is money. money money moneeey

new tooth comin out so this december doctor will see whether i need to do surgery to remove the tooth or just remove like that, 'cause the tooth will cause food to stuck in the hole and perhaps will make the tooth beside it gets a hole.

no i don't wanna do surgery dammit!

doctor gave back my teeth's x-ray when I was 9 cause she said she dont use that anymore.

let's hope the tooth can grow out and let the doctor to remove it.

surgery?? no way man. I really don't wanna do that.

the old me..

2007-08-28T00:55:00.000-07:00

I seriously am getting degeneracy.

I was talkative.
I was a person that you won't feel bored when I'm around.
I was a playful and cheering person, I laughed alot.
I was a person whom lotsa people love to be friends with.

I WAS.

my talking skill is getting worse than before. it's much more worse.
I couldn't even write a good blog now. My brain is becoming slow.
I've becoming quieter.
that makes me have less friend and people wouldn't wanna be friend with a freak like me.
how would people understand what you feel anyway, no? They just want a happy friend, not solemn friend.

Is this happened to all teenagers like my age, or just me?

I wana become talkative back.. I wanna improve my SOCIAL skill. I have to talk. I have to find more people to talk. who would ever help me, I can only help myself.

where's the old me?

Lost.

hopefully she'll be back in no time. I will try hard to get back my old ability. it takes time.

Final Heaven

:)

life is great

Sunday ...

my 1st appeareance in tv ad

20.8.2011

修行中

must learn to ignore in life.

When You Feel Like Doing It, Don't Delay

乱

I can't sleep.

typing out my heart and expressions.

holidays

be strong.

吉隆坡。。寂寞。

黄明志 －华侨的骄傲

back in Melaka

Mom

Xiao Bai

A democration country?

mmu student eh?

common people attitude in this country

KL

trust

hurts

enrolling into music school (part 2 ) auditioning in Aswara

PEOPLE = SHIT

Malacca rocks!

faker

liar

Sad

enrolling into music school...(part 1)

KS in Penang with Flicked Mind (stay tuned for more pix..!)

KS is in TV!!

Goal

Next gig - Anime Fiesta

够了吧

I got my cert..

Good luck and Farewell

kill the pirates & lawyers!

taking a break from thinking

Wings to fly away. But Where?

the best musician is the best thief. Do you agree?

Bassoon

upcoming gigs

bandage

more videos of KS in JNT

The song named It's Me

suffocating, stress, sick

sushi day with wendy

helping my friend

professional advise please

what's my age again??

love story

friends

updating...my kl trip

coward

it.s 4.30am

what I did on X'mas

new update! Spirits of Music

KL hot trip

beautiful poem

MMU charity concert, Karabau cafe gig

t e a r s

adventure

how did I start into music? (part 2)

how did I start into music? (part 1)

shit happened and they are all a sign of...*updated*

I BEAT CRISIS CORE!

come and support

stress

have u ever wish that everything just stay that way?

psp unboxing

Time machine will be invented!

I just watched The Last Samurai

life is like a movie. A game.

I am born to play music

why do we born?

kawaii sakura

Peace

黄明志　－华侨的骄傲

shit happened and they are all a sign of...updated